Episode 11: This is it, you guys! We finally made it to the season finale. After three hours a week spent staring at our TV’s in a state of constant confusion, we’re finally at the end and will get to see which pairings are taking their relationship past Paradise. To sum up: there are a handful of genuine couples who look like they may actually make it and Ashley I. (the virgin) took Jared on a date and made a weird joke about cherries. While her affections for him are undeniable, their connection seems friendly at best, so, first time or not, their encounters just seem¦ awkward.
And as Paradise started winding down, everyone thought that everything was all hunky dory¦ until it wasn’t. The first couple to split? Mikey and Juelia. While Mikey said that he does care for Juelia quite a bit, it was that feeling that was missing (wait, is the guy saying this to the girl?) and he couldn’t continue their relationship anymore. In another game of what could possibly go wrong? Cassandra from JP’s season walked in (the one that got dumped on her birthday) with a date card, which she asked Justin to go on¦ He admitted that the Black Widow Jaclyn also asked him out on a date. Justin basically asked Jaclyn if he could not go on the date with her and go with Cassandra instead because they’re both single parents and have more in common so she let him off the hook, date card still in hand.
Ashley I. and Jared came back from their date and were very evasive about what actually happened”or didn’t for that matter. While they never actually say what went down, Ashley I.’s tweet pretty much shuts down any idea that they did the deed (actually gets her more respect points!). Cassandra and Justin’s date actually went really well, while Carly and Jade were hating on Samantha a bit more. Unfortunately, even though they spent the night together, Jared didn’t think their relationship was where it needed to be and he just didn’t feel strongly enough. So, wearing a I’m a Kim shirt (no lie), Jared broke it off. Again. She obviously took it really, really well, especially when Jared left then and there. Samantha and Nick went on Jaclyn’s date”it was relatively uneventful and, frankly, we’re kind of tired of the Sam drama.
We finally got a cocktail party, or so we thought until Chris Harrison came in and told the group that they were skipping straight to the rose ceremony because most people are either together or they aren’t. Before the rose ceremony, Ashley I. decided to bow out since the one that she wanted was no longer there. Kudos, girl. We could’ve done without the Claire Danes-like cry face and waterworks, but at least you knew enough to send yourself home. Before Dan gave out his rose, he addressed Ashley S. and Amber about his feelings and that things didn’t work out for them and that he didn’t find love there. Instead of doling out his rose, he pulled himself out of the game. Mikey had the last rose (not sure why he was even still there) and offered his rose to¦ Mackenzie? Thankfully, the girl has some sense and turned him down, and not gently, either. After everything was said and done, Mikey, Mackenzie, Ashley S., Jaclyn, Amber and Megan went home while Carly sang a cocky little tune.
After everyone had left, Chris Harrison announced that the last week was going to be spent figuring out their relationships with some one-on-one and overnight dates and get one last shot to see if they’re going to be viable outside of Paradise. While most of the couples were giddy about the prospect of the next steps in their relationships, Kirk had to have a tough conversation with Carly, once again bringing up his past doubts. He seemed genuinely upset to be ending it, but Carly just shut down the conversation. Jade and Tenley went to Carly’s rescue and were some of the best friends we’ve seen, crying along with their girl. After several failed attempts at trying to tell Carly how he was feeling to calm her down, both Kirk and Carly went home (hopefully not on the same flight).
Episode 12: After Kirk and Carly’s rocky ending, some of the other girls in Paradise were left feeling a little uneasy. Everyone went on their last one-on-one dates with the potential for some overnight time, too. Samantha and Nick didn’t seem to be on the same wavelength with their relationship, but Tenley and Joshua decided to take advantage of the fantasy suite. Tanner eased Jade’s are-breakups-contagious worries by saying I love you, (which she obviously said back) and finished their night smooching on the bed. Once again, Chris Harrison gives the group something to think about: The final roses will now mean something more than just right now, putting a bit more pressure on everyone to figure out exactly what these relationships mean. The first couple to have serious logistical doubts was Tenley and Joshua, trying to be realistic with how often they can feasibly see one another outside of Paradise.
Cassandra and Justin didn’t spend the night in the fantasy suite together, but when he offered her the final rose, she gladly accepted. Next up, Samantha and Nick found something resembling love, or as close to it as narcissistic people can find anyway. Tenley came out looking like a smokeshow in the prettiest dress everrrrrr, so it’s no surprise that Joshua wanted to keep it going, but understanding how difficult the lifestyle and distance differences were going to be for both of them, they broke it off without any roses.
Finally, the last couple to hit the rose ceremony, Jade did her little spiel about finding love in a hopeless place (had to) and offered up her final rose, which he gladly accepted. But, a rose wasn’t good enough for Tanner, so, instead, offered her a ring. Even though the ring was not pretty, their adorable future children will be, so it’s all good. Another couple finds love after a mere five weeks together. Ah, true love.
PS: Because apparently we missed this (just me?), Ben is going to be the next Bachelor in January, 2016! Yay, Ben!
Coming up roses: Carly (from Kirk), Jade (from Tanner), Samantha (from Nick), Tenley (from Joshua), Cassandra (from Justin); The final roses: Cassandra & Justin, Samantha & Nick, Jade & Tanner
Paradise pairings: Ashley I. & Jared, Cassandra & Justin, Carly & Kirk, Samantha & Nick, Jade & Tanner, Tenley & Joshua
Kiss count: Cassandra & Justin, Samantha & Nick, Carly & Kirk, Jade & Tanner, Tenley & Joshua (Episode “ 3; Season “ 23)
Hookup count: Tenley & Joshua, Jade & Tanner (Episode “ 2; Season “ 4)
Cry count: Juelia, Mikey, Ashley I., Carly, Kirk, Jade, Tenley, Joshua (Episode “ 8; Season “ 26)
Catfight count: Carly & Kirk (Episode “ 1; Season “ 4)