10 F*cked Up Things That Happened on Bachelor in Paradise: Season 3, Episode 2

Picking up on last week’s dramatic cliffhanger, we’re back in Paradise and Chad is STILL HERE.

1. Just as Chad was leaving (hallelujah emoji) and Carly was doing some rose ceremony math, in walked Leah with a date card from Ben’s season and already a shit storm was brewing. It was all awko taco when she asked where Chad was to go on the date with her… When she found out her first option was eating meat in the back of a limo, Leah made her rounds with the other guys.

2. Haley and Emily ate some bananas in front of Vinny and Jared and it was exactly what you’d imagine it to be.

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3. After Leah came back from her date with Nick (which was admittedly pretty good), Nick got a date card and asked Amanda. To pysch Amanda out, Leah went in and told her in no uncertain words that Amanda is trying to be Leah. But, Amanda had the ultimate revenge by having an amazingly steamy make out sesh with Nick.

4. Carly and Evan made out and it was awful and uncomfortable and when you thought it couldn’t get worse, the camera panned to a shirtless Evan laying in bed stroking himself while Carly told the cameras how terrible the kiss was.

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5. MEANWHILE Lace (who may or may not always be drunk) led Grant into a bedroom and covered the camera while they got naked and panted and then the camera was mysteriously uncovered and they were both still clothed so I have no idea what happened.

6. After some bizarre pairings over the course of the cocktail party, we finally got our first rose ceremony of the season with the roses going out to some surprising (and not-so-surprising) couples: Grant to Lace, Nick to Amanda, Evan to Carly, Jared to Emily (and in turn Haley), Vinny to Izzy and Daniel to Sarah (in the cutest way possible), sending both Leah and Jubilee home in tears (though the latter really did deserve to find someone great).

7. Just when Nick was picking out wedding invitations for him and Amanda, in walked Josh (yep, that Josh) who took Amanda on a date, bringing back a bit of the old, jealous, twitchy Nick.

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8. Evan asked Carly on a date and since she’s not exactly the nicest person, she said “sure” after an uncomfortable pause and then proceeded to tell the cameras how little chemistry there was. She didn’t even change for the date. And because Chris Harrison is a cruel god-like figure, he made Carly and Evan eat super-spicy habanero peppers and then kiss for 90 seconds. Carly, the consistently mean person, threw up after her kiss/habanero moment and told the cameras, “For the record, I didn’t just throw up from the peppers. The kiss too.” Yikes.

9. Emily and Jared had a pretty awkward hangout while Emily explained her steps to get him to kiss her. Finally, after several steps where we were unsure if Jared was even still awake, she got her smooch.

10. We got Josh and Nick Smackdown 2.0 when Josh came back from his date with Amanda, told Nick that he wasn’t going to back down and the proceeded to make out with Amanda in front of everyone while making weird moaning/humming noises. Gross.

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