We Need to Talk About Chad

We’re only two episodes into the new season of The Bachelorette and we already have someone on our shit list. Like we’re talking next-level villain. Worse than Clare, Ashley I., JJ, Vienna and Juan Pablo combined. Or at least that’s the vibe Bachelorette contestant Chad Johnson is giving off.

We always walk a fine line on what to believe about reality television. Obviously, we’re hooked on all things The Bachelor, but it’s hard to know how much is real, how much is staged and how much is just publicity. When it comes to Chad, it’s a bit of a crapshoot.

We don’t know a lot about Chad, but we’re starting to get a clearer picture–or as clear a picture as we’re going to get with the producers of the show and Chad himself revealing only the information they want us to have. He likes protein powder, eating lunch meat, talking about protein shakes and smoothies, getting up in other guys’ faces and making funny West Side Story and Care Bears references.

This past episode, we added a few more things to his character reference and they’re not painting him in a great light.

For starters, his real name is apparently Brian (WTF–it’s like he had to get himself a real villain name. Like what name would represents a person that pisses everyone off? Chad. No one likes a Chad).

He told JoJo that she was nagging him (dude, NO. NEVER, but especially not on a first date).

He threatened to hurt some of his fellow suitors when they tried to call him out on his bullshit. Admittedly, this isn’t the first time that’s happened on this franchise, but it’s always a red flag when things escalate that quickly (and by that quickly I mean two episodes in).

The newest bit of information, which just makes him look next-level psycho, is this. Word has it that Chad bought a bunch of domain names for all of his fellow castmates and had them all re-route to his Instagram page, stating simply that it’s business and he’s willing to sell them back for a profit. It’s one of those things that when you think about it, it’s not totally immoral or wrong, it’s just plain weird. Like, yeah, good on you for trying to capitalize on the popularity of this show and how all the guys are going to want to book appearances afterwards, but why?

While chatting with our editor Sara (our texting conversations are 99 per cent Bachelor-related) as she was creeping through his Instagram (confession: I find his stomach very appealing, but I find cheese more appealing), she brought up this picture and the point that maybe he’s still heartbroken over his passing mother. While I won’t go ahead and make a joke about a dead loved one, it does seem like there’s always someone on the show who has experienced a tragedy of some sort and it always seems like the crazy ones try to use it to their advantage. Maybe he grieves/processes pain by acting like a douche, or maybe he was like this before his mom passed away. Who knows?

Our only real concern is that if this has all popped up within two episodes (it takes a strong character to make us forget Daniel the professional Canadian), what’s next? How much worse can this guy get?

He seems like a charming enough guy to JoJo (minus the negging bullshit), but, again, everything else we see is all curated, including his apparent obsession with lunch meats. Maybe mind games are his jam. Maybe he really just does like to buy domain names, just in case. Maybe he really does just appreciate a piece of pastrami or turkey breast more than the average human. Who are we to judge?

Until he inevitably gets kicked off, we’ll just keep watching, recapping and creeping his Instagram page for more clues into who this meat-loving wacko is. At least he’s easy on the eyes.

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