5 F*cked Up Things That Happened on Bachelor in Paradise: Season 3, Episode 5

We’re finally getting used to this two-night-a-week thing, so here we go with part two!

1. We picked up right as Ashley walked in. She pulled Jared aside after “surprising” (read: stalking) him (after telling Chris Harrison that she was only going to allow herself to cry three times in Paradise). She was upset when she found out that Jared and Caila were a thing when she apparently told Caila to leave him alone. Immediately she started crying in front of tkkk, which was awful because obviously she’s not over Jared yet either so way to be the most self-centred person EVER.

2. Evan had to go to the hospital and guilted Carly into coming with him (gross). Something about seeing him vulnerable and less creepy or something made Carly go “back on the Evan train,” so yeah, apparently stalking works.

3. Ashley eventually picked Daniel to go on a date with her and we were all surprised when he said that he’s turned on by virgins (jk, no one is surprised). He made some super-hilarious (not at all hilarious) jokes about whether Ashley likes Canadian bacon and sausage and poutine and it was all very uncomfortable.

4. Jen arrived in paradise (who?) and took Nick on her date to the beach and they got crabs. But like actual small, terrifying sand crabs that surrounded them while they made out on the shoreline. Apparently that brought them closer together, because the next thing you know, they’re a “couple.”

5. During the cocktail party (no, we didn’t actually get a rose ceremony), Jared tried to ease Caila’s mind about his whole stalker situation while Nick tried to tell Ashley like it is: she’s obsessed and not at all in love, which between her seventh cry-fest of the episode she said “NO I LOVE HIM.” Of course you do, Ashley.

Tags: Bachelor in Paradise season 3

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