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The Commitment Phobe Guy: How to Spot Him

Written by Shannon Christie

How long should you wait around?

Sure, he really likes spending time with you, but he just doesn’t know if he L-O-V-E loves you right now.

Do you really want to keep dating a guy who may need a team of therapists, a coin toss, a psychic, several pro/con spreadsheets, his mom and a magic 8-ball to decide whether his feelings for you are the real deal? Of course you don’t! (You really don’t.)

Although the majority of guys aren’t going to tell you they love you on the first date (hello, red flag of desperation!), but they usually come around to being able to identify this pretty basic emotion. Eventually.

The trick is that there’s no specific timeline or magic number of days (or nights) that will help him realize that he loves you. The onus is on you; you get to decide what your timeline is and abide by it, no matter how wishy-washy he tries to be.

Phrases common to the undecided guy:

“I really care about you, but I understand if you have to move on.” He’s banking on you sticking around for a few more sleepovers while you wrestle with all the responsibility of making the big decision. Easy: Buh-bye.

“I feel like I’m almost ready.” He’s playing on your insecurity about how much time you’ve already put into this relationship. The thing is that ‘almost’ is relative. Cut your losses, this tease is just not worth it.

“I think I can see us together in the future.” So, like, are you supposed to meet back in his bed exactly one year from today while he sows his wild oats in the meantime? You’re nobody’s insurance policy, baby.

The harsh truth is that there are two sides to the Love Fence, and he’s 50% as likely to fall on the “Nope, this isn’t it” side. Not great odds when you consider that you could be with a better guy, one who knows a good thing right from the start – no two ways about it.

Your turn: If you had a friend who fell victim to Undecided Guy, what would you advise her to do?

Sympatico Image

r_-_undecided_150x150.jpg

http://29secrets.com/wp-content/uploads/r_-_undecided_300x400_0-150x150.jpg Shannon Christie Relationships ,,,,,,,,,,

Sure, he really likes spending time with you, but he just doesn’t know if he L-O-V-E loves you right now.

Do you really want to keep dating a guy who may need a team of therapists, a coin toss, a psychic, several pro/con spreadsheets, his mom and a magic 8-ball to decide whether his feelings for you are the real deal? Of course you don’t! (You really don’t.)

Although the majority of guys aren’t going to tell you they love you on the first date (hello, red flag of desperation!), but they usually come around to being able to identify this pretty basic emotion. Eventually.

The trick is that there’s no specific timeline or magic number of days (or nights) that will help him realize that he loves you. The onus is on you; you get to decide what your timeline is and abide by it, no matter how wishy-washy he tries to be.

Phrases common to the undecided guy:

“I really care about you, but I understand if you have to move on.” He’s banking on you sticking around for a few more sleepovers while you wrestle with all the responsibility of making the big decision. Easy: Buh-bye.

“I feel like I’m almost ready.” He’s playing on your insecurity about how much time you’ve already put into this relationship. The thing is that ‘almost’ is relative. Cut your losses, this tease is just not worth it.

“I think I can see us together in the future.” So, like, are you supposed to meet back in his bed exactly one year from today while he sows his wild oats in the meantime? You’re nobody’s insurance policy, baby.

The harsh truth is that there are two sides to the Love Fence, and he’s 50% as likely to fall on the “Nope, this isn’t it” side. Not great odds when you consider that you could be with a better guy, one who knows a good thing right from the start – no two ways about it.

Your turn: If you had a friend who fell victim to Undecided Guy, what would you advise her to do?

Sympatico Image

r_-_undecided_150x150.jpg

eringoodman@hotmail.com Author 29Secrets

About the author

Shannon Christie

5 responses to “The Commitment Phobe Guy: How to Spot Him”

  1. My husband waited 8 years to propose. He also used to own a magic eight ball. I hope there isn’t a connection!
    On a serious note, don’t really know what I’d tell a friend in that situation. I guess it would depend on my gut feeling on the guy. Some guys just take longer. For others, you can smell the commitment-phobia a mile away. I know what I wouldn’t tell a friend though: “Give him an ultimatum.” I have yet to see that work out for the best.
  2. My husband waited 8 years to propose. He also used to own a magic eight ball. I hope there isn’t a connection!
    On a serious note, don’t really know what I’d tell a friend in that situation. I guess it would depend on my gut feeling on the guy. Some guys just take longer. For others, you can smell the commitment-phobia a mile away. I know what I wouldn’t tell a friend though: “Give him an ultimatum.” I have yet to see that work out for the best.

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