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A Definitive List of Better People of the Year Than Donald Trump

This year, TIME named Donald Trump as its Person of the Year which, like, of course. The year is 2016 and we’re one meme away from that “End of the World” video coming to life. (Remember it? It was from 2005 or something and included the phrase, “But I am le tired.”)

Then again, if TIME had named any other person as its one of the year we’d likely all succumb to shock and the world would end anyway. So why wouldn’t Donald Trump be a Person of the Year? Because every other person on the planet wasn’t available? Probably. That’s it, I bet. But just in case that isn’t, here are all the other people TIME could’ve named instead:

  • Me (obvious joke, but also I’m dead serious)
  • Hillary Clinton
  • Zayn
  • Rihanna (every year, actually, until we all die)
  • Alexander Hamilton (RIP)
  • Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar (it’s alive)
  • The actor who played The Bear in The Revenant
  • Again, me (not a joke)
  • A centaur (half-person)
  • The Starbucks drive-thru attendants who recognize my voice and make me feel like a wonderful and special friend
  • This person who’s dancing on Ellen right now
  • Anyone who can successfully wear a statement hat
  • My neighbour who’s taken three days to put up the same string of Christmas lights (honestly dude, way to never give up — but also, what’s happening over there?)
  • The bird lady in Home Alone 2
  • Anyone who doesn’t get annoyed with loud coughers/sneezers
  • Anyone who’s dressed up as the mascot for anything
  • Harry Styles (always)
  • Harry Styles’ hairstylist (still always)
  • The guy who pity laughed at the joke I made when I tripped over some carpet at the mall last week
  • The Pizza Hut delivery woman who did not judge the fact I was in my pyjamas at 3:12 yesterday afternoon
  • The cast of The Crown
  • The person who bought Prince George his robe
  • Again, I can’t stress “me” enough
  • A cat with opposable thumbs
  • Baby Groot
  • A dog wearing a sweater
  • Any alpaca
  • The guy who catcalled me the other day and said “Ahhh okay” when my response was “Come on, man”
  • Westworld
  • A doll made of hair (not Trump’s)
  • Elf on the Shelf (see: Satan)
  • Krampus

Here’s hoping they turn it around for 2017!

http://29secrets.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/29s_person-of-the-year-150x100.jpg Anne T. Donahue Pop Culture ,,,,,

This year, TIME named Donald Trump as its Person of the Year which, like, of course. The year is 2016 and we’re one meme away from that “End of the World” video coming to life. (Remember it? It was from 2005 or something and included the phrase, “But I am le tired.”)

Then again, if TIME had named any other person as its one of the year we’d likely all succumb to shock and the world would end anyway. So why wouldn’t Donald Trump be a Person of the Year? Because every other person on the planet wasn’t available? Probably. That’s it, I bet. But just in case that isn’t, here are all the other people TIME could’ve named instead:

  • Me (obvious joke, but also I’m dead serious)
  • Hillary Clinton
  • Zayn
  • Rihanna (every year, actually, until we all die)
  • Alexander Hamilton (RIP)
  • Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar (it’s alive)
  • The actor who played The Bear in The Revenant
  • Again, me (not a joke)
  • A centaur (half-person)
  • The Starbucks drive-thru attendants who recognize my voice and make me feel like a wonderful and special friend
  • This person who’s dancing on Ellen right now
  • Anyone who can successfully wear a statement hat
  • My neighbour who’s taken three days to put up the same string of Christmas lights (honestly dude, way to never give up — but also, what’s happening over there?)
  • The bird lady in Home Alone 2
  • Anyone who doesn’t get annoyed with loud coughers/sneezers
  • Anyone who’s dressed up as the mascot for anything
  • Harry Styles (always)
  • Harry Styles’ hairstylist (still always)
  • The guy who pity laughed at the joke I made when I tripped over some carpet at the mall last week
  • The Pizza Hut delivery woman who did not judge the fact I was in my pyjamas at 3:12 yesterday afternoon
  • The cast of The Crown
  • The person who bought Prince George his robe
  • Again, I can’t stress “me” enough
  • A cat with opposable thumbs
  • Baby Groot
  • A dog wearing a sweater
  • Any alpaca
  • The guy who catcalled me the other day and said “Ahhh okay” when my response was “Come on, man”
  • Westworld
  • A doll made of hair (not Trump’s)
  • Elf on the Shelf (see: Satan)
  • Krampus

Here’s hoping they turn it around for 2017!

annetdonahue@gmail.com Author Anne T. Donahue is a writer and person who lives just outside of Toronto and knows way too much about the Great British Bake Off. 29Secrets

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