Every couple goes through that phase where they are “that couple”: two people so into each other that they make their friends sick. As much as the honeymoon period is amazing and magical, relationships grow and change. Even when you love someone, sometimes that crazy physical chemistry you had when you first met can wane. But, that doesn’t mean that it no longer exists. Here are five things you can do to re-ignite the za-za-zou in your relationship:
1. Try doing things that you did when you first met
Maybe you used to spend hours gazing into each other’s eyes over martinis at a candle-lit lounge. Or perhaps, you and your guy loved wandering around the Natural History Museum while sneaking in make-out sessions in the dark corners of the Early Peoples exhibit. Whatever your cup of tea, this Friday night, get off the couch, turn off the TV and head out to that martini bar or museum. Disturb a few innocent bystanders with some PDA and watch the sparks fly.
2. Communicate about sex and be open-minded
Many couples don’t talk about their sexual fantasies. You may think that because you’ve been together a long time he should just know what satisfies you but you can’t expect him to read your mind. If there is something that you’re dying to try in the bedroom (or outside of the bedroom!), tell him about it. If you don’t, no one else will. Encourage him to do the same. Sometimes just talking about what turns you on is enough to heat things up.
3. Toys and playing dress-up isn’t just for kids
Now that you have shared your fantasies with each other it’s time for a sexy shopping spree with your partner. If you’re curious about sex toys, find something that you can both indulge in and have fun experimenting. If toys aren’t your thing, there are lots of other fun options for spicing things up like sensual massage, lingerie and role-playing. Also, keep in mind that the best accessory to a good sex life is confidence. Do something that makes you feel good. Get that Brazilian wax you’ve always been curious about, or put on that one dress that makes you feel like a million bucks. Sometimes it’s these little things that can put a strut in your step.
4. Take it outside the bedroom
When you’re with someone for a long time it’s easy to slip into a routine. Switching up the location of where you have sex is a great way to shake things up. Try moving sexy-time from the bedroom to the kitchen counter, the bathroom or the home-office (those ergonomic chairs aren’t just great for lumbar support). If you like the great outdoors, try it outside on your dimly lit balcony or initiate a steamy make-out session in the bathroom of a restaurant. If the risk of getting slapped with a public indecency fine doesn’t make you hot, grab a blanket, some candles, some wine and have a romantic picnic on your living room floor. You’ll be surprised how much of a difference a change of scenery can make.
5. Take some time to reflect on why the za-za-zou might have gone m.i.a. in the first place
How do you feel about yourself? Are you stressed? Are you working at a job that you hate? Have you or your partner recently undergone some kind of trauma? A healthy sex life needs to be viewed from a holistic perspective. Sometimes we are so eager to improve our relationship that we forget to consider outside forces that may be affecting our libido. When it comes to restoring the spark, remember to always be patient with yourself and your partner.