If you have caught your guy cheating, you need to take some time and decide what you want or need to do next. For some women, the relationship is over. They can’t move past infidelity, no matter what.
For other women, time to think is essential. They may decide that this is something that the relationship can recover from. If this is the decision you make, and only you can make it, here is a step by step guide to moving past infidelity.
First, you need to know the circumstances
Was it a one-night stand or a full blown affair? Is there a woman out there expecting him to leave you for her? Or did it never go beyond the sexy texting stage? This is important before moving on to the next steps. You need to understand what he did and how that makes you feel.
Get an understanding of why he cheated
You may want to seek professional help on this one since cheating is often a symptom of a much bigger issue in your relationship. Often, it’s about lack of communication and loss of respect. Have the two of you not been getting along? Have you been too busy with a new career, education, or a new baby to pay attention to him? I’m not saying you are to blame, because in my book there is no excuse for cheating, but if you think you want to salvage your relationship, you really need to understand why.
But if there is a reason that you might be able to work through, you need to know it. And of course, if the answer is that he is a dog, well, you should probably move on.
Next, the two of you should discuss how this cause should be addressed
Look at your relationship and get to the bottom of why he went down the infidelity road. Maybe you need more private time, more fun dates, more socializing. See what you can work out together. And if you can’t, maybe there is something missing from your relationship that you just can’t offer. (E.g., is he a swinger?) Or maybe you just don’t belong together. As much as that hurts, if that’s what drove him to cheat, your relationship can’t be fixed.
Now, see if you can rebuild your trust in him
It is very telling to see how he reacts to your need for him to gain your trust again. If he’s only sorry he got caught, not sorry he was cheating, get rid of him. But if he acknowledges that he has done a major wrong and understands that he need to work on getting you to trust him again, that’s a good start.
Examine your heart and decide if you can really forgive
If you just say you forgive him but you haven’t and know you never will, you need to break it off. If you know you will constantly throw this back in his face every time you are angry, that you will be suspicious every time he works late or glances at his cell phone, do the best thing for yourself and stop seeing him.
Give yourself time to get over his infidelity
Don’t expect to take a few days to think it over, accept his apology and move on. You will be angry, hurt, sad, insecure and a host of other emotions. You need to work through these feelings and he, as the cause of these emotions, needs to understand and help you through them.
If you feel your relationship is worth saving, give yourself time to heal.
No one deserves to be cheated on, especially when your fully loyalty lies with the betrayer of your trust. initially, I thought I was just feeling insecure when my husband would just be on his phone at odd hours, until I decided to take my chances to know, knowing is much better than self doubts and its exactly what happened when I requested for the service of one of the best hacker ; nullantrax2017 AT outlook DOT com to help me check her phone. Now i know when he tells the truth because I receive all his calls, outgoing and incoming, see his whatsapp messages, facebooks, emails. I think its the best way to justify his loyalty and I found out that instead of guessing, right now I have access to his phone remotely anything that goes in and out of his phone is exactly what goes in and out of my phone. I see everything,i hear everything
not he did it regurlarly, but i am probably being over analytical now so I guess I may never no for sure. I just know that it was incredibly stupid and selfish of him to do it, he has lost so much and knows it. It would have absolutely killed him if i had of done it & he were the innocent one. I half want to run into him at a club in a month or so and be hanging off some other guy, to show him how it feels to see or picture someone you love with another…
My boyfriend & I were together for a year & a half, he is 23 I am 19.
It was the last thing I ever dreamed he would do in a million years, it just didn’t seem to be in his nature, & we were inlove.
Together mostly every day &/or night, we were best friends & have so many memories together.
I am not a naive girl that get’s treated poorly & becomes a doormat, so I know that he felt how he claimed to feel, I saw the love, & we have spoken of cheating in the past & he was so against it (not even in an over the top obvious I’m doing it to you sort of way) which is one of the many reasons I never thought it would happen. EVER.
I can now see that nobody ever knows for sure.
So why would he do it? That is the main question of the many I have been asking myself over & over. I know that there was nothing in the relationship or our sex life that would have made him stray, he spoke of things like our future together & how he couldn’t bare to be without me etc often.. Of course I believed him, I felt the same & I knew he was no player before me, atleast not with hearts.
Infact, before the beginning of our relationship he was shy & nervous around me, before we realised we got on so well.
The only thing I can think of, is that we often fought, but he still always wanted to be with me no questions asked, & I just put it down to the clash of both of our fiery personalities… still no excuse for cheating.
After alot of research I have discovered that cheating has nothing to do with whether or not you love someone, it can go far deeper than that.
I now believe that his self esteem issues, and lack of will to not be influenced is far deeper than I was aware.
He swears it was a one-off & knows he has lost the most important thing to him, & learnt the hard way. He is a mess, as am I, But how can I trust that it really was as he says after I trusted this wouldn’t happen in the first place?? I can’t.
There is offcourse NO EXCUSE for cheating, it is a betrayal to your partner of the deepest kind & they say the pain is that of second closest to a death.
I never thought I would be one to even consider taking a cheater back, I always assumed guys that cheated on their girlfriends either didnt love them enough, or the girl just couldn’t see that he didn’t care about her like he should…
WELL hasn’t this been a huge wake-up call for me? I now know you can’t ever completely understand or judge something unless it was you that it happened to.
& each situation is different.
I am not saying I am going to take him back, I know what’s best for me at this point in time is to recover & get out there and try to experience life.
I have no idea how I will feel about this situation as time goes on, But if I did decide to take him back, would I ever look at him the same again? I just don’t know that it would work. It would be so different & even if he is being honest & never did do it again, I would still always have that thought lingering, and be so incredibly paranoid (To put it bluntly, the girl he slept with is far less attractive than me) So I think if she can persuade him, what about the gorgeous girls out there? …
The only explaining he has managed to give me so far is,
‘It was the dumbest thing iv’e ever done in my life’ & ‘everybody around me was doing it & when she came onto me I thought nothing of it until I felt dirty and sick once it was done’
(They knew eachother & had a one night stand [or maybe a few?] before we met & from what I’m being told she wants him) He tell’s me there are no feelings involved on his behalf, I believe that part because he could have had her before I came along if he wanted a relationship with her… & there wasn’t enough spare time for an affair, I know it was just sex. STILL NOT OKAY.
He also says there’s not even an attraction, which seems bizarre to me.. I guess I will never understand it. Maybe to men a vagina is a vagina & it wouldn’t have mattered if she had a pumpkin on her head? Or maybe just a lie. .
Anyway I guess nobody can really say what they would do unless they were in the situation themselves… as I always thought I would kick any dumbass who would cheat to the kurb. But we still love one another & its hard to let go. I know he deserves every bit of regret and pain he gets, but all this hasn’t stopped me caring about him.
Maybe I will have to learn the hard way to really let go…? (Risk this twice)
Who knows. I have no idea!! But I’m not making any decisions for quite some time, and if i do decide to take him back and he cheats again, shame on me.
But love can be blind, & when you truely love someone you see the best in them, & ofcourse I hold hope that he would change, he was my everything & now nothing is the same. If only men thought of the consequences to their actions.. (not saying all men would be so stupid, I have to believe there are some of you out there..?)
Obviously it would be great if i were to move on from him completely. But easier said than done & only time will tell ………..
My roomie is a cheater. And she knows it. She doean’t liek confronting people, so when she wants the relatiohship to be over she just starts up with someone new and doesn’t tell the first guy. I harp at her all the time. She’s finally realized that she’s just looking for a bed buddy, which is good, because I’m tired of guys coming up to me asking what’s going on when they should be asking her.
not he did it regurlarly, but i am probably being over analytical now so I guess I may never no for sure. I just know that it was incredibly stupid and selfish of him to do it, he has lost so much and knows it. It would have absolutely killed him if i had of done it & he were the innocent one. I half want to run into him at a club in a month or so and be hanging off some other guy, to show him how it feels to see or picture someone you love with another…
My boyfriend & I were together for a year & a half, he is 23 I am 19.
It was the last thing I ever dreamed he would do in a million years, it just didn’t seem to be in his nature, & we were inlove.
Together mostly every day &/or night, we were best friends & have so many memories together.
I am not a naive girl that get’s treated poorly & becomes a doormat, so I know that he felt how he claimed to feel, I saw the love, & we have spoken of cheating in the past & he was so against it (not even in an over the top obvious I’m doing it to you sort of way) which is one of the many reasons I never thought it would happen. EVER.
I can now see that nobody ever knows for sure.
So why would he do it? That is the main question of the many I have been asking myself over & over. I know that there was nothing in the relationship or our sex life that would have made him stray, he spoke of things like our future together & how he couldn’t bare to be without me etc often.. Of course I believed him, I felt the same & I knew he was no player before me, atleast not with hearts.
Infact, before the beginning of our relationship he was shy & nervous around me, before we realised we got on so well.
The only thing I can think of, is that we often fought, but he still always wanted to be with me no questions asked, & I just put it down to the clash of both of our fiery personalities… still no excuse for cheating.
After alot of research I have discovered that cheating has nothing to do with whether or not you love someone, it can go far deeper than that.
I now believe that his self esteem issues, and lack of will to not be influenced is far deeper than I was aware.
He swears it was a one-off & knows he has lost the most important thing to him, & learnt the hard way. He is a mess, as am I, But how can I trust that it really was as he says after I trusted this wouldn’t happen in the first place?? I can’t.
There is offcourse NO EXCUSE for cheating, it is a betrayal to your partner of the deepest kind & they say the pain is that of second closest to a death.
I never thought I would be one to even consider taking a cheater back, I always assumed guys that cheated on their girlfriends either didnt love them enough, or the girl just couldn’t see that he didn’t care about her like he should…
WELL hasn’t this been a huge wake-up call for me? I now know you can’t ever completely understand or judge something unless it was you that it happened to.
& each situation is different.
I am not saying I am going to take him back, I know what’s best for me at this point in time is to recover & get out there and try to experience life.
I have no idea how I will feel about this situation as time goes on, But if I did decide to take him back, would I ever look at him the same again? I just don’t know that it would work. It would be so different & even if he is being honest & never did do it again, I would still always have that thought lingering, and be so incredibly paranoid (To put it bluntly, the girl he slept with is far less attractive than me) So I think if she can persuade him, what about the gorgeous girls out there? …
The only explaining he has managed to give me so far is,
‘It was the dumbest thing iv’e ever done in my life’ & ‘everybody around me was doing it & when she came onto me I thought nothing of it until I felt dirty and sick once it was done’
(They knew eachother & had a one night stand [or maybe a few?] before we met & from what I’m being told she wants him) He tell’s me there are no feelings involved on his behalf, I believe that part because he could have had her before I came along if he wanted a relationship with her… & there wasn’t enough spare time for an affair, I know it was just sex. STILL NOT OKAY.
He also says there’s not even an attraction, which seems bizarre to me.. I guess I will never understand it. Maybe to men a vagina is a vagina & it wouldn’t have mattered if she had a pumpkin on her head? Or maybe just a lie. .
Anyway I guess nobody can really say what they would do unless they were in the situation themselves… as I always thought I would kick any dumbass who would cheat to the kurb. But we still love one another & its hard to let go. I know he deserves every bit of regret and pain he gets, but all this hasn’t stopped me caring about him.
Maybe I will have to learn the hard way to really let go…? (Risk this twice)
Who knows. I have no idea!! But I’m not making any decisions for quite some time, and if i do decide to take him back and he cheats again, shame on me.
But love can be blind, & when you truely love someone you see the best in them, & ofcourse I hold hope that he would change, he was my everything & now nothing is the same. If only men thought of the consequences to their actions.. (not saying all men would be so stupid, I have to believe there are some of you out there..?)
Obviously it would be great if i were to move on from him completely. But easier said than done & only time will tell ………..
My roomie is a cheater. And she knows it. She doean’t liek confronting people, so when she wants the relatiohship to be over she just starts up with someone new and doesn’t tell the first guy. I harp at her all the time. She’s finally realized that she’s just looking for a bed buddy, which is good, because I’m tired of guys coming up to me asking what’s going on when they should be asking her.