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Relationship Closure

No matter who does the dumping, it’s important to end things with dignity

Ending a relationship is hard. No matter who initiates the split, there’s almost always anxiety, hurt feelings and intense emotion in the aftermath. If you feel you have unfinished emotional business, you may need relationship closure. Maybe it ended abruptly, after a fight. Or maybe it the end came without much communication, delivered coldly in an email or text message (an awful dumping technique and the subject of a whole other story). It’s healthy and natural to want to end things gently and respectfully for both people involved. Here are some helpful tips for getting relationship closure.

 

Say goodbye. It sounds simple, but the problem may be that you never did. This means bidding farewell to the relationship once and for all “ examine your feelings closely to see if you really have, in your heart, said goodbye to him.

Let go. If you have reminders of him hanging around your place, put them away. You don’t have to banish it all to a bonfire (unless you want to), but it is best to tuck photos, books, clothing, and any other significant items out of sight.

Accept it. An important part of moving on is coming to terms with the reality that the relationship is over. Until you do this, you will be stuck in lovelorn limbo.

Get support. If you haven’t exhausted the patience of your friends and family, use the people closest to you to talk (and cry) it through. If an impartial ear and clinical advice is what you crave, it makes sense to spend a session with a therapist.

Write a letter (you don’t have to mail it). Often the best way to dignify and conclude a heavy emotional experience is to write about it. Get it out of your head and heart and onto paper and you’ll likely feel a weight has lifted.

Meet up. If you need a final meeting, ask for it. Choose a neutral, somewhat private spot and let him know you simply need some closure. This isn’t a time to rehash the drama and point fingers: make it brief and civil, goodbye politely and be on your way. Sometimes a heartfelt conversation between two adults is all it takes to get the closure you need.

 

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