Around this time last year, I dated a guy whose ex (and her bestie) read all the way back in the abyss of my Tweets and articles past, to try to get a ‘read’ on me, mind the pun. When his ex-girlfriend found a Tweet of mine that she assumed was about her, she asked him to ask me to delete it. And he did.
But I didn’t delete the post because it wasn’t about her. I hadn’t met her and knew nothing about her (because if I’ve learned anything from watching The Bachelor, it’s to not waste the quality time you have with a love interest talking about someone else and other drama). Moreover, I don’t negotiate with terrorists (A great line I heard from The Good Wife once that stuck).
But I must say it was a necessary warning sign about the guy I was starting to fall for. It showed me that his ex’s concerns about his current relationship — (there were many things she tried to sabotage between us) — were impacting our ability to connect. Perhaps he wasn’t yet over her, and that’s totally understandable and okay. But you won’t be able to move on, and a new relationship won’t work out, unless you’re truly over your ex.
So how do you know whether you’re over them or not? Well, one, you’re reading this article right? (No judgement.) But I’ve put together a list of 7 tell-tale signs you’re just not that over them.
- You still read their horoscope: What the stars have in store for your ex need not matter to you. You’re not together for a reason and trying to read into their astrological sign for a sign that you’re destined to be is just holding you back from moving forward.
- You’re not friends. It didn’t end well, but you still have them on social: Nothing good comes of keeping an ex on social if your relationship didn’t end well and/or if either of you haven’t accepted that it’s over. You’re just creating many methods of self-destruction. If your ex somehow decides they want you back, they’ll know how to reach you. Trust me.
- You text them whenever you’re under the influence (which seems to be a regular thing for you these days): Instead, text a bestie or compose a save-draft message so you don’t reach out to an ex, but can still get your thoughts and feelings out. Actually, do that and re-read your texts the next morning and thank me for saving you the embarrassment of pressing send. Or if you lack the self-control, (which I get because I’m human and I’ve been there aplenty), put an app on the phone that prevents you from texting certain people while you’re under the influence. Hey, even text a new booty call! They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But do not text your ex. Texting your ex when you’re under the influence is not a good look. If for some reason you really believe you’re meant to get back together (never a good idea) reach out to them at a reasonable hour, with a clear head. If I kept getting endless texts late at night from someone I used to date, I’d be more annoyed and angry then wanting to run back to them.
- Their happenings – as you learn about them through social and asking around – act as triggers to negative feelings and emotions: Someone you don’t know liked a picture of theirs or made a suggestive comment on a post and suddenly you feel jealous and curious and monkey bar through this stranger’s social media in a stalking-sort-of-way? Yeah, you’re just not over your ex. Take control back by changing what you see on your feeds, by hiding his friends in your privacy settings or even unfollowing them.
- You put their needs before your current partner’s needs: This goes back to my intro story and is really rather self-explanatory.
- You tell people you’re over them, not interested etc., whether they ask or not: Your actions or lack thereof should show people that you’ve moved on. But if you’re still talking about your ex – especially if you’re on a date – then you’re not. It’s simple. And likely obvious to everyone but you.
- You’re heartbroken and feel hard done by when you find out your ex has moved on: I’m not perfect, but an amazing feeling I’ve experienced has been when an ex of mine has found their perfect match; has found happiness. You should want the best for someone, whether it includes you or not. I truly know deep down that I’m over someone when I can genuinely feel happy for them, and even look at pics of them and their new partner, while catching myself smiling and feeling only positive emotions. If you instead find out good things are going on in their life, and don’t feel happy, chances are you’re not over them.