Prediction: Taylor Swift’s “Reputation” Will Be About These 53 Things

Today is Taylor Swift eve, which means we are mere hours away from not being inundated with Swift content for the next 42 years. Which, like, fine. It’s okay! What do any of us want, anyway? To be distracted from the tire fire that is the rest of the world? Yes.

So, ignoring everything we seem to know about reputation so far, here are my own theories and what Swifty’s latest will be about. Why? Because the world needs laughter. Also, because from what I understand, reputation is largely about Taylor Swift not caring about what anybody thinks anymore and also her boyfriend Joe, and that is boring to me. So here’s a few of the themes I think we can go ahead and expect:

  • Snakes
  • Not caring about what we think about her
  • Not caring about what we think about snakes
  • Joe
  • Not caring about what we think about Joe
  • Tabloids?
  • Magazines
  • Kanye West
  • Kim Kardashian
  • JK Taylor doesn’t care about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian
  • Hairstyles
  • Not Harry Styles
  • Robots
  • Cyborgs
  • Massive music video budgets
  • Walking with purpose
  • Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey
  • Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey (the cats)
  • Lipstick
  • Squads . . . ?
  • Rapping
  • Capes
  • Horses
  • How people who really loved horses growing up were always fundamentally different than the rest of us (maybe it was the money they had?)
  • JK the above is what my own music album would be about
  • Awards
  • Feminism, but built strictly around that Katie Couric quote
  • Boots
  • Heeled boots
  • Various styles of boots (thigh-highs, hip-waders, and the like)
  • The scarf she left at Jake Gyllenhaal’s
  • JK we will never ever know the truth about that
  • Why we never see Tom Hiddleston wearing jeans
  • Seriously, he like, never wears jeans
  • The media? Sure
  • Dramatic hand gestures
  • A long list of the things we made her do
  • A long list of the things she would’ve done anyway, regardless of whether or not we’d have made her do them
  • Having a lot of disposable income
  • That goddamn July 4 party
  • That goddamn July 4 party where Tom Hiddleston wore that fucking tank top
  • Calvin Harris
  • Calvin Harris’ real name
  • Something about them both being blonde
  • Revenge
  • The short-lived TV series, Revenge
  • How some of her friends are not her real friends but her real friends totally know who they are
  • JK they will never know
  • Amy Dunne from Gone Girl 
  • The cat in Gone Girl
  • Being relatable…?
  • Again, cyborgs
  • And maybe cyborg snakes

Happy reputation eve!


Tags: Anne T. Donahue, topstory

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