SURPRISE SURPRISE there will be no male full frontal nudity in February's "50 Shades of Grey" because why would there be? Christian Grey a.k.a. Jamie Dornan even put it in writing.
"There were contracts in place that said viewers wouldn't be seeing my, um…todger," he told The Observer — as well as how un-sexy the "50 Shades" scenes are to film.
"Anyone who thinks actors get turned on during sex scenes in films is mistaken," he continued. "There are dozens of hairy men standing around, moving cables and lighting equiptment. That's not sexy unless you're into being watched, which I'm not."
The ironic part, though (about Dakota Johnson likely baring all, while Jamie Dornan does not) is that Dornan is a self-declared feminist who hasn't even read the book. (Bless his soul, bLESS IT.) So it's not like he's being unreasonable about it (and honestly, interviews with Dornan prove that he's a smart, level-headed person who upholds equality), it's that again a woman can put herself out there while studios still put the kibosh on a guy.
And for what? "50 Shades" is a story about gratituous sex. So either make a film in which Dakota Johnson abides by the same rules, or opt for the NC-17 rating and apply the same rules to her co-star. Why are we still not challenging these tired conventions? Why do we sit back and expect to see naked women onscreen and deem male nudity inappropriate? How, 100 years after movies began, are the rules still so lobsided?
I mean, that's obviously a conversation for another day. (Because it will absolutely take a full day.) But just a heads up to all you "50 Shades" fans: this is some PG-13 shit (basically). And if you really like Jamie Dornan, you should be watching "The Fall" anyway.