Emmys 2013: Curveballs, Justice, and …Sorrow?

In the words of The Simpsons: "Well, that just kept going" — as all award ceremonies tend to do. However, after hours of E!'s Mani Cam and at least four million nominees doing their best impression of Sofia Vergara's accent (because otherwise the Emmys would've been cancelled), the show began and gave us three distinctive themes: surprise — albeit welcome — wins, confusion, and death. So much death. (And just when we'd made peace with the losses of the 2012-2013 season, Elton John debuted the song "Home Again" and made the Emmys once again one of the most morose broadcasts since last week's Breaking Bad.)

But then there was justice. While The Emmys have arguably been "The Modern Family Awards" since the show premiered a few years back, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tony Hale took home hardware for Veep, and then delivered Louis-Dreyfus' speech… IN CHARACTER. (Take that, everyone!) Breaking Bad's Anna Gunn then walked away with the win for Best Actress in a Drama (so take that, Skyler haters!), and …Jeff Daniels beat out Jon Hamm and Bryan Cranston for The Newsroom.

Which, frankly is insane. (Jeff Daniels seems like a great guy — The Newsroom is… a show. But to beat out Cranston? Or Don Draper the season he became even more fixated on death than he was in "The Suitcase"? Which would've worked with the most depressing Emmys ceremony in the world.) HOW? (Or any other actor in any other show? Let's really talk about that. Was this just because The Academy's gunning for a Dumb and Dumber follow-up? What am I missing here? CRANSTON, you guys. Even Daniels was probably like, "Oh, no, it's okay — give this to Bryan Cranston because have you been WATCHING this season of Breaking Bad?")

Well, we've been watching. And so did Emmy voters who awarded the series with Best Drama in the ultimate "Well DUH" turn of the night. (Also in that turn: Modern Family for Best Comedy, effectively beating out 30 Rock's final season and Louie, but what else is there to say on that. Nothing. There is nothing to say because it's very strange and kind of upsetting. It's not a bad show, but it's not the BEST show — you know what I'm saying?)

And then the dancing. A lot of dancing. A lot of dancing that would've been better during the opening than 3/4 of the way through the show when all we want to know is whether Breaking Bad will win Best Series, but that's fine! Dancing is great. Not as great as Claire Danes and Lena Dunham reuniting on the red carpet, or Amy Poehler taking over for Ryan Seacrest briefly to talk about politics and religion, or Tina and Amy making an appearance during the opening, or Kiernan Shipka's dress, or Bob Newhart, but it's dancing. Dancing by Neil Patrick Harris — so it's at least equal to Claire Danes' temporary bob.

Though the fact the ceremony didn't close with a seance kind of broke my heart. Though at least we now all know what Breaking Bad would look like if it were choreographed. Tread lightly.

Breaking Bad Takes Home Emmy

The list of winners:

Drama Series: “Breaking Bad,” AMC.

Actor, Drama Series: Jeff Daniels, “The Newsroom,” HBO.

Actress, Drama Series: Claire Danes, “Homeland,” Showtime.

Supporting Actor, Drama Series: Bobby Cannavale, “Boardwalk Empire,” HBO.

Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Anna Gunn, “Breaking Bad,” AMC.

Directing, Drama Series: David Fincher, “House of Cards,” Netflix.

Writing, Drama Series: Henry Bromell, “Homeland,” Showtime.

Comedy Series: “Modern Family,” ABC.

Actor, Comedy Series: Jim Parsons, “The Big Bang Theory,” CBS.

Actress, Comedy Series: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep,” HBO.

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Tony Hale, “Veep,” HBO.

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Merritt Wever, “Nurse Jackie,” Showtime.

Directing, Comedy Series: Gail Mancuso, “Modern Family,” ABC.

Writing, Comedy Series: Tina Fey, Tracey Wigfield, “30 Rock,” NBC.

Miniseries or Movie: “Behind the Candelabra,” HBO.

Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Michael Douglas, “Behind the Candelabra,” HBO.

Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Laura Linney, “The Big C: Hereafter,” Showtime.

Supporting Actor, Miniseries or Movie: James Cromwell, “American Horror Story: Asylum,” FX Networks.

Supporting Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Ellen Burstyn, “Political Animals,” USA.

Directing, Miniseries or Movie: Steven Soderbergh, “Behind the Candelabra,” HBO.

Writing, Miniseries or Movie: Abi Morgan, “The Hour,” BBC America.

Reality-Competition Program: “The Voice,” NBC.

Variety Series: “The Colbert Report,” Comedy Central.

Writing, Variety Series: “The Colbert Report,” Comedy Central.

Directing, Variety Series: Don Roy King, “Saturday Night Live,” NBC.

Choreography: Derek Hough, “Dancing With the Stars,” ABC.

Tags: Anne Hathaway haircut, bob, Breaking Bad, Claire Danes, Emmy Winners, Emmys, Emmys 2013, Jeff Daniels, Taylor Schilling, Zoey Deschanel

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