I went on a long vacation from ShondaLand for a number of reasons (top of the list: general implausibility), but I recently started watching How to Get Away with Murder on Netflix after a friend told me how good it was. Unsurprisingly, I was hooked from the very first episode (because Shonda has that stupid addictive hold over you that even when you think you’ve shaken her, one hit and you’re done for) and sped through the first season in basically a weekend, taking a break from my third run of Gilmore Girls. I’m now caught up to HTGAWM and watching it live each week like some sort of animal (kidding, I record it — I have some standards), but I’ve made some observations that lead me to ask one question: Are Bonnie Winterbottom and Paris Geller the same person? Let’s investigate, shall we?
1. They both hate fun
Okay, well not really, but they certainly act like it sometimes.
2. They both question their sexual encounters
After Paris sleeps with Jamie for the first time in season three, she finds out that she doesn’t get into Harvard and immediately thinks the two are related (they aren’t, obviously). Bonnie starts sleeping with Asher in season one, and while she doesn’t stop, she doesn’t make it public, either.
3. They both had sex with Asher
Okay, so maybe it’s not totally plausible that Professor Asher Flemming did some sort of Benjamin Button thing to turn into Asher Millstone, but THEY’RE BOTH NAMED ASHER.
4. They’re both hella smart
Paris may not have gotten into Harvard, but she did go to Yale. And what does Yale have? A law school. And what is Bonnie? A lawyer. Case closed.
5. They both had rough upbringings
When we first meet Paris in Gilmore Girls, we find out that her parents are going through a messy divorce and that they basically don’t pay attention to her at all. We find out in season two *SPOILER ALERT* that Bonnie’s father did some pretty shitty things to her (and recorded it, to boot).
6. They both have the same emotional dynamics
Generally stoic with sporadic emotional outbursts with a flair for the dramatic. Classic
Pannie Bonnis Paris/Bonnie.
Pearl necklace. Need I say more?
In conclusion, we think that Paris pissed one too many people off, went into witness protection while she was articling and studying for the bar, fuzzed up some of her childhood details and then changed her name to Bonnie and went to work for Annalise Keating. People, we’ve been watching a sequel to Gilmore Girls THE ENTIRE TIME.