The thing about Victoria Beckham is that she doesn’t smile and I adore her for it.
I mean, yes, I get it: smiling is a nice thing that makes everybody seem approachable and blah blah blah wouldn’t we all be prettier if we just smiled (ew ew ew), but who among us would rather stoically dive off the back of a cruise ship into the icy abyss than smile all the time? All of us. All of us would rather do that. Enter: Victoria Beckham.
The best Spice Girl (yes I said it) was on Jim Corden last night and referenced a slogan t-shirt she designed that featured the words, “Fashion Stole My Smile.” Which she was photographed wearing recently.
“I did make this t-shirt; this is me poking fun at myself,” she explained. “The question I get asked all the time is, ‘Why don’t I smile?’ People think I’m so damn . . . miserable. So this is me having a bit of fun and laughing at myself.”
“Also, people daren’t come up to me because they think I’m some sort of [ice queen],” she added, making me decide once and for all that I was going to stop smiling forever.
But okay so first things first: amen to Victoria Beckham, a woman who is exactly who she is, smiling be damned. But also: what is up with the connotations associated with a woman who doesn’t smile? I mean, with all due respect, there isn’t a ton to smile about currently, particularly when you actually sit there and think for a second about what’s happening on this actual planet (and in particular government buildings). Also, who smiles all the time? Serial killers, probably. And people you would never, ever talk to because they seem fucking weird.
Smiling all the time is a symptom of being totally deranged. It is not cute or sexy or helpful in making somebody seem approachable. If you saw some asshole grinning in the mall you would tell mall security and have them escorted out. So I mean, maybe if we do want to repel weirdo dudes we can just smile like a bunch of idiots until they’re so freaked out they beg us not to ever again.
I’ll let you know how this goes when I inevitably try it.