Many moons ago, I was a music journalist. I went to shows all the time, I interviewed bands like it was my job (because it was — it was my job), and I basked in the warm glow of new music like nothing else mattered. But I didn’t love it. I mean, yes, I will always love talking and writing about music (see: top 40 trends and Drake and J-Biebs and why I care so much about both), but my heart doesn’t belong to that industry the way it belongs to pop culture and comedy as a whole. (Aw.)
So I stopped being a “music journalist” and started reading my friends’ work which was better and more passionate instead, and which served as a reminder that great music journalists exist and it isn’t (and wasn’t) my destiny to be one of them. Bless us everyone.
But before I came to that realization, I was obsessed with Coachella.
Now, I’ve never been to Coachella. I’ve never even had the talk, “We should go to Coachella.” No part of me has ever wanted to stand in a desert and/or field and/or anywhere the sun is and pretend I like crowds and people and crowds filled with people. Those things seem like nightmares. But alas, everyone cared about Coachella so I pretended I also really cared about Coachella. (The army pants and flip flops of all pop culture events, mostly.) But I no longer care. I don’t even think you guys care. I’m not sure I know anybody who cares at all, but we’re all still going to be talking about it until April, so we might as well just get this chat out of the way.
The 2016 lineup has been announced. (Which you can check out in full below)
So I mean, on the one hand, LCD Soundsystem are reuniting after they played their last show five years ago. (Exciting!) Calvin Harris is also headlining. (Sure!) And for reasons I’m sure will one day become clear (JK this will never make sense), Guns ‘n Roses are headlining too because the year is 1993 and our nostalgia obsession has gone too far please somebody help us. Okay!
So there we have it. A big-ass Coachella lineup to take us into spring 2016 (or specifically April 15-17 and April 22-24 because Coachella runs for two weekends which seems overwhelming, I’m not going to lie). Passes go on sale today, so if you’re hell-bent on going to California to soak up the sun, hip jams, and celebrity sightings, you have been warned. Go forth. Care for me. Care for all of us.
Or don’t care at all, and join me in making jokes about flower crowns and Axl Rose. It’ll be just as fun, I swear.