Forgive Him or Forget Him?

Every couple experiences bumps on the road to everlasting love “ even the impossibly rich, famous and beautiful (Hollywood duo Courtney Cox and David Arquette have admitted to marriage counseling).

Getting through a rough patch intact can strengthen your bond, other times it can break it (see every other Hollywood romance).

So you already know he’s not perfect “ some mistakes are minor, but others can be dealbreakers. Here’s how to tell the difference:

The violation: He surprises you “ and not in a good way

He invites the guys over for the game and tells you 20 minutes before they’re set to invade “ er, arrive. He’s bought the beer but the place is a mess and you don’t have any snacks to offer (except that $15 brie, which they’re not getting their paws on). You spin into a frenzy, cleaning and running to the store to pick up his favourite game-time munchies (which you inevitably present with an effortless smile). When the guests leave he mumbles thanks, and heads up to bed without lifting a finger.

The verdict: Forgive him

His behavior is certainly not worth stomping out the door for. Although it’s completely annoying, this situation is actually more about you rather than what he did (or didn’t do). Women have higher standards when it comes to having company: the way we keep our home and the types of food we serve reflect back on us “ or so we think. You could take a lesson from your BF: he’s genuinely unfazed by clutter (and it’s unlikely his friends will notice anything beyond the contour of your flatscreen) and as long as there is beer and a TV, there’s no problem.

 

The violation: He takes off

You’ve been dating for a couple of weeks when he invites you out for drinks with his friends. You’re being your usual charming self, winning them all over, when you realize he’s gone missing. When he finally surfaces (an hour later), he’s in the corner with a female friend. You confront him about leaving you alone with people you’ve just met while he chats up another girl. Upset, you strut out of the bar. Expecting him to follow or even call to straighten it out, he texts you the next day.

The verdict: Forget him

This is a new relationship and his focus “ especially when he’s taking you out to meet his friends “ should be on you (and not on that girl in the corner). The delayed text message is another bad sign: he should have either followed you out of the bar or called you sooner. This speaks to some pretty shabby communication skills, as well as an inability to take some responsibility for his poor decision. You’ve only put in two weeks and you deserve better. Psst: did one of his friends catch your eye by any chance? Kidding.

 

The violation: He begrudges your success

You consider yourself an independent woman (just like the Destiny’s Child song describes). You are thriving at work, volunteer twice a month, have girlfriends who adore you, and you get along smashingly with your family. You’ve been with your beau for almost a year, and you are smitten. You come home from work to tell him you’ve been promoted, and, although he pains a smile, you can tell it isn’t genuine. Later, he confesses that he thinks you’ve changed, claims you aren’t as affectionate and don’t need him as much as I used to.

The verdict: Forget him

Run! This guy is a poster child for insecurity. Any guy who makes you feel bad or guilty about your success is only self-conscious about his own (or lack thereof). The lovey dovey stage of any relationship is head-in-the-clouds fantastic, and showing affection is important. But watch out for guys that are too comfortable with your neediness. Do you really want to be with someone who wants you dependent on them? If his sense of worth comes from being your only happiness in life, you will feel suffocated soon enough. Resist his attempts to hold you back “ keep moving on.

 

Did you forgive him when you should have forgotten him? Or vice versa? Let us know about it?

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Tags: break ups, forgive or forget, make ups, trouble in love

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