Do You Trust the Right Men?

Trust is sacred. It takes a lot of effort, communication, and putting your heart out there to build that solid foundation in a relationship. If you've been lied to or cheated on in the past, it can feel next to impossible to build trust with a new partner. If you're feeling reluctant about him, here are a few signs to look out for that let you know he's not to be trusted. 

He's flaky

If he's not true to his word – even with the little things – then he's probably not going to be honest about the things that matter. There's a lot to be said for a man who remembers and follows through on what he says he's going to do, even if it's something as trivial as sending you a link he said he would send you. There's nothing more annoying than someone who is forgetful, absent minded, or has his head in the clouds. 

He's overprotective about his privacy

If you've only ever hung out at your place or in public places, you might start to wonder if he's trying to hide something. A person's living situation says a lot about them – the place they're at in their life, what they're willing to put up with, etc. There's nothing wrong with dating a guy who lives in a dive if he has to, but if he's too ashamed of it to even let you come close, don't count on him opening up to you anytime soon.

He's inconsistent

Pay attention to his behaviour around you vs. strangers or his friends. If he acts like an angel around you but repreatedly treats your server, cab driver, or even your friends like crap, he's probably not a genuinely good guy. This kind of person is only nice to someone when they know they'll really be able to get something from it. Even his behaviour in an argument is telling. If he becomes a different person entirely when faced with a problem, it means trouble.

He's awkward about feelings

If the idea of bringing up your emotions with him makes you cringe – whether its because you feel like he'll think you're trying to get too relationship-y, or he's "not the type of guy to talk about feelings" – there's a reason for that. Trust what your gut is telling you. Give him the benefit of the doubt until you've tried to have an honest conversation of course, but you should never force yourself into an anxiety producing situation that you suspect will end in disaster.

He talks about other people behind their backs

If he "confides" in you by ranting about his friends, co-workers, family members, or ex's, you can be sure he's going to do the same about you. When he's whinging, try to be aware of any common themes. Most of the criticisms we assert on other people are the things we most hate about ourselves. He's telling you a lot by complaining about his best friend being a backstabber, or his ex-girlfriend being a flirt. You want to be with a man who is confident and strong in himself, he doesn't need to translate his issues onto the people in his life.


Tags: building trust, rebuilding trust, trusting your boyfriend

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