Let’s face it: we’ve all had to make compromises for the ones we love at some point or another. Relationships are all about meeting in the middle, and dealing with your partner’s in-laws is sure to be a hot-button issue for most couples.
Whether you like it or not, blood relatives are, well, blood relatives, and once you marry into a family, you’re pretty much stuck with them for good. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the dynamic you share with both your partner and his or her parents.
While plenty of people get along just fine with their in-laws, there’s also a reason for the term monster-in-law. Well-intentioned advice can often come off as bossy or overbearing, which can lead to less frequent contact and eventually, a strained relationship.
Understanding how to compromise with your partner’s family can be a steep learning curve, but if you find yourself completely unable to cope, here are a few strategies you can turn to when things get tough.
Try to see the situation from the perspective of your in-laws
Although they may seem pushy and controlling, chances are that underneath their hard exterior, your in-laws just want the best for their children. There’s always a loving intention beneath the layers of fear and insecurity, so before you react harshly, take a moment to put yourself in their shoes. It may not always justify their actions, but it will help to cool your anger and see your in-laws as humans again, not monsters.
Stage a family meeting with your partner and your in-laws
Sometimes, the best way to heal a relationship is by talking it out. If you do choose to go down this road, make sure you remain calm and solution-focused throughout so it doesn’t turn into a screaming match. Avoid name-calling and drama of any kind”simply tell your in-laws how you feel and why their behaviour makes you upset, and hopefully they will see your point of view, too.
Set boundaries
Only you are in charge of your own life, and if your in-laws are being truly overbearing, the best way to manage their expectations is by setting clear rules and guidelines around the big decisions. For example, if you’re planning a wedding, and you had your heart set on an outdoor event, while your in-laws are pushing for a church, this is one area where you can put your foot down and claim this choice as yours. Tell them clearly and politely that you’ve decided on an outdoor wedding, and then allow them the reins on another aspect of your day so they still feel involved.
Remember: The key with any relationship is to compromise where you can, and be firm about the things that really matter to you. At the end of the day, your in-laws created the one person you love most in the world, so they can’t be that bad after all!
