You guys remember when Geri quit Spice Girls? What about when the Spice Girls released “Goodbye” and I got my aunt to buy me the CD single for Christmas and I played it on repeat, alone in my room, perhaps flipping through Seventeen magazines to try and numb my pain? Of course you do. You remember all of it. You especially remember the personal memories I just recalled because you were there for all of them, whether in person or in my heart (even if I didn’t know it yet).
But alas, here we are. 2015. November 2, to be exact. And One Direction has just finished their (potential) last-ever concert tour, and nothing will ever be the same.
Unfamiliar with this feeling? Get on board with this: Did you watch baseball last night? Were you cheering for the Mets? Okay, so that feeling of watching Kansas City tear the team apart from the ninth inning onward is basically on par with the current pop culture landscape. One Direction have a few live dates on the promo circuit, and that’s it. A break. Maybe a year. Maybe longer. Maybe shorter. But goddamn it, a full-on nap.
So how do we cope? I mean, honestly. While the foursome’s Sheffield gig saw Liam promise they’d all be back, and Harry took to Twitter to thank everyone, and Niall added — also via social media — that this was really “just a long holiday,” those of us who’ve been there before have seen it and remember it (see: JT’s first solo album and our understanding that NSYNC was now a thing of the past), and know exactly what this means: these are growing up and graduating and blowing away and it’d actually be quite sad if they weren’t.
I mean let’s be real, here. I love One Direction as much as the next person who really loves One Direction, but would anything be worse than watching them do the exact same thing into their 30s and beyond? No. Nothing would be worse. Nothing at all. That’d be like getting a job at 15 and just staying there as you get older because it was safe, and you were now 46, and you were like, “How am I still the manager of this Hot Topic?” You’d be so bummed out. Everyone would be so bummed out. Unless it was your passion, but look: working five years without any sort of holiday is not anybody’s passion, I don’t care how much you love your job. Last year, I didn’t take a holiday and I work FROM HOME (at my HOUSE), and by the time Christmas happened, I had an anxiety attack on Christmas Eve and spent that day and Christmas Day totally sick because I was exhausted and burnt out. And again, I work from home, and don’t technically have to leave the house.
So no, we must slowly and stoically applaud Harry, Niall, Louis, and Liam as they move on to the next sect of their lives. We’ve still got a new album ahead, a few promotional things, and the break doesn’t technically begin until next year. But these are all good things. Now they can like, go to the mall. Maybe they can take a nap in the middle of the day. Odds are, at some point, they will get a full eight hours of sleep one night and then wake up and maybe be able to just watch TV. Like the rest of us normal fools. Someone once told me — because it’s a very common quote and I like to make things sound very important — that if you don’t stop and refill, you’ll be left empty and sad. (And I can confirm this based on my own experiences spent not refilling and then having an anxiety attack in the bathroom of a Cineplex.) So here’s to our favourite four boys on the planet refill and chill and do the kinds of things we like to do. Which, if there’s anything I can be sure of, it’s going to the movies alone and online shopping and watching shows about murder and other crimes.
Boys, if you can read this: hit me up and I’ll recommend some good ones. And also, I’m proud of and love you all. Now nap. Nap like you’ve never napped before.
