The finale is here. 10 weeks we've been watching, eye-rolling, live-tweeting and wondering who Juan Pablo will pick to be his wife. Finally, it's down to two: Clare and Nikki. The episode started with a shot of a live audience before going back to St. Lucia where the Clare and Nikki are both battling for Juan Pablo's heart and final rose.
Clare was first to meet Juan Pablo's family down in St. Lucia, including JP's daughter Camila who was really shy around her potential stepmom-to-be. When Clare sat down with JP's mom, she was asked the hard questions like "are you falling in love?" and followed it up by asking what aspect of JP's personality should she know that he would never tell her. His mom's response? He can be really rude and hyperactive. While we on the watching end have already seen all of this, but Clare may have missed it wearing her rose-coloured glasses over the past couple of months. After some smooching, JP sent Clare on her way, though left us viewers thinking that Clare and JP might be nauseatingly perfect for one another.
Next up was Nikki to be reunited with Juan Pablo's family, who she met briefly a few episodes back. Nikki showed up and was introduced to the family members she hadn't seen the first time around, though didn't spend a lot of time with Camila. She then sat down with Juan Pablo's pops who said some things that sounded like a warning for Nikki to run—not walk—from Juan Pablo. When he said than Juan Pablo does what he wants and implied he's very self-involved, we were a little concerned that Nikki might be getting in over her head (though maybe too late for that)? The rest of the meet seemed to go well and Nikki left feeling excited and confident that Juan Pablo would be whispering sweet-nothings to her in a very short time.
Back at the live studio, Chris talked with a bunch of audience members to see what they thought of this situation, before flipping to ex-Bachelorette Kelly who pointed out that both girls are missing the red flags Juan Pablo's family was giving off and then over to newlywed Catherine who started a sentence with "I like Juan Pablo as a person…" which we all know translates to: this guy is a douche and I'd never date him, but I'll smile in front of the cameras with him.
Clare got the first full day date. She met Juan Pablo in front of a helicopter in St. Lucia and the two cuddled while admiring the view until something went… wrong. When there were no cameras or audio in the chopper, Juan Pablo apparently said something to Clare that left her really upset—apparently it was something really insulting and instantly made her question her feelings for him, though it didn't stop her from following JP up a hill hand-in-hand until we were left in suspense for yet another commercial break. Finally, Clare divulged the deets of Juan Pablo's seemingly awful comments to her. When he could have whispered anything to her, he mentioned that he didn't feel like they knew each other, but that they had great chemistry and he enjoyed hooking up with her. While our feelings on how fast Clare may or may not have gotten…ahem…physical with Juan Pablo, that's still a pretty harsh thing to say the girl that pretty much worships the ground you walk on. When JP went to go meet up with Clare later that evening, she broke it down for him (the one time this particular writer had even a shred of respect for her) and he started to pull the same crap he did with Andi, defensively questioning what he said that was wrong because he was just being "honest." Juan Pablo charmed his way out of trouble and Clare left feeling much better (even though everyone on twitter was seeing right through his bs and chalked it up to the fact that Clare is just really naive). Back in the audience, Sharleen couldn't help but seem disappointed that Clare ignored her instinct and let JP slide and even former Bachelor Sean seemed to pity the poor girl.
And then it was Nikki's final date. Nikki showed up and the two embarked on a romantic yacht ride where their conversation about the weather felt forced and kind of awkward, but involved a fair bit of kissing. Then the two parked on a beach for some more kissing and talking, where Nikki asked the question of the hour: "What happens when you don't have a private island?" While Juan Pablo was once again "honest" that he has a bed and a TV that he likes to watch movies and sports (at least he gave her the head's up), he also kind of mentioned he would be alone watching these sports which is when Nikki chimed in and said "Well, maybe not alone all the time…" forcing her to get inside her head and start to over analyze everything. As someone who is single handedly leading the personalization revolution, dear Nikki, you are NOT over analyzing. You are REALIZING at a very slow rate. As our editor tweeted during the episode, Juan Pablo is going down as the worst Bachelor to date, and these poor girls (yes, I'm even including Clare in this) are figuring it out way too slow. Later that evening Juan Pablo showed up and Nikki was hoping to hear those three little words from him, especially considering how much she's expressed her feelings to him. She even did the super girly thing and gave him a framed pic of the two smooching and a card once again expressing her L-O-V-E for him and he said…. nothing. Feeling slightly jilted, Nikki instantly started crying as soon as Juan Pablo left with his "stuff."
The next day it all came to an end. Clare walked through the sand (potentially ruining some really awesome heels), convinced that she was moments away from getting engaged. When she saw Juan Pablo, she gave her final "I love you and want to spend my life with you" spiel and then… he dumped her. But when he leaned in to give her a consolation prize hug, Clare pushed him back and let him have it. Calling him on his crap about how he reassured her that there was a reason she was there just two nights before and that he could also see himself starting a life with her, Clare gave one final stab before storming off by saying "I would never want my kids having a father like you," pretty much just reaffirming our newfound respect for her and putting us back on #TeamClare. But as if we weren't hating on JP enough, after Clare blasted him and walked off, he mumbled to himself "I'm glad a didn't pick her," solidifying his place as the WORST Bachelor to date and a bona fide d-bag. After she said a tearful goodbye to Chris, Clare was off.
Then too-good-for-him Nikki came, also convinced that this was her moment. And while the previous Bachelorette's send-off might dictate that it was in fact her moment, probably not quite the moment we all expected. Nikki too gave her little "I love you" talk, hoping that JP would reciprocate those three little words she's been dying to hear from him. And what did he say, you ask? "I like you a lot," but that he's not "100 per cent sure," but will she please accept this rose instead of the huge ring in his pocket? Wait… WHAAT?! Nikki, looking a little miffed (we don't blame her… the ring was gorgeous), shook it off and accepted her rose and the promise of dating just a bit longer to see how it goes.
After the Final Rose:
Since most of North America was sitting stunned and twitter was in a frenzy, we were eternally grateful for this particular After the Final Rose, which promised to answer all of our questions. Clare was first to come out and while she still looked a bit hurt by the whole situation, she handled herself nicely and told Chris that he just wasn't the man that she thought he was, but she had her closure that day and didn't need to see or speak to Juan Pablo again. While it would have been nothing short of entertaining to watch Clare tear Juan Pablo a new one in front of a live studio audience, her ability to walk off the stage with her head high made her the clear winner, and frankly, she dodged a bullet on that one.
Then Juan Pablo came out to a very quiet and awkward applause. Chris asked him some of the real questions like does he have any regrets now that he's watched the show, which threw Juan Pablo into defensive mode asking why he should feel regrets, he was just being "honest" and everything was "fine." Even Sean tried to cut in and make JP understand what he did and how he acted was wrong at times (all the time… but Sean was just trying to be nice), but Juan Pablo just sat there looking defensive and smug.
When Nikki came out she didn't seem as happy as someone in her position should be. Still not engaged to now-boyfriend Juan Pablo, she said that the two would be working things out and were taking their time, but Juan Pablo STILL hadn't said those three little words. When Juan Pablo joined her, he took over the talking for the couple and was probably the rudest we've ever seen him. Saying things like their plans are their "private lives" and he doesn't want to share them warranted a bit of an outburst from Catherine, who very bluntly told them that they shouldn't "slap the hand that fed you" and DOES HE KNOW HE WAS JUST ON A TV SHOW? It seemed nothing was working, and while Nikki looked absolutely miserable, Juan Pablo assured the world that the two of them were happy and "fine."
Then, the spotlight changed and everyone (including Chris) was grateful for that. Announcing Andi (YAY!) as the Bachelorette, we're hopeful that her upcoming season will be… less dramatic and that she does find love and not some d-bag with a rose.
