Last night’s three-hour episode of the Bachelor was an ordeal. Emotions were on high. There were orgasms, tears, I-love-yous, cat-fights and A LOT of side eye. It kicked off with the remainder of Nick’s fantasy suite dates with Rachel and Vanessa. Followed by probably the most dramatic Women Tell-All episode EVER (see what I did there, Chris Harrison?). If you missed it, or just want to relive it, here are the fourteen most f*cked up things that happened on this episode(s) of The Bachelor:
1. The episode kicks off with a Raven confirming she indeed finally have an orgasm on her overnight date with Nick. Followed by a painful montage of her skipping around town. It was bad.
#OrgasmMontage #TheBachelor https://t.co/5N837I2aEY
— Jetset Justine (@JustineIaboni) March 7, 2017
2. Nick got so weird on his date with Rachel. We couldn’t tell if he was falling in love or totally bored. And I guess that’s because we know Rachel’s fate so we watched with so much scepticism. But the best, most f-ed, part was this moment when Nick’s voice got really high. It made enduring this date worth it.
Omg his voice 😂😂😂😂😂 #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/QEps8LASd3
— Sara Koonar (@sarakoonar) March 7, 2017
3. For some reason the producers put Nick and Vanessa in the worst bathing suits of all time on their date (Nick’s too tight and Vanessa, who has the hottest bod on the planet, doing absolutely NOTHING for her banging figure). Not cool guys.
4. During their date Nick confessed to Vanessa he is not traditional. Yes, remember, Vanessa is the SUPER traditional Italian/French-Canada girl who loves her family. This is bad. And leaves us wondering if the two are compatible.
N:"I don understand big fams.I love America" V:"My fam is the most important thing to me I love Canada"/N:Omg we're so similar #TheBachelor
— Vinny Guadagnino (@VINNYGUADAGNINO) March 7, 2017
5. It gets worse when Nick says he could never see himself moving to Canada for Vanessa because he is really proud to be American. WHAT?! Really? In this climate you are going to shout you are proud to be American on TV? Dude needs to read a newspaper. Trust me Nick, it’s never been a better time to live in Canada. With the dollar you’ll be rich, health care is free and no Trump!
6. At the rose ceremony Nick gets super emotional, saying he loves all three women and that this decision was the hardest yet. Followed by the beautiful, intelligent, and strong Rachel getting the boot (but we’re not sad because we get to watch her as the Bachelorette next season).
7. WOMEN TELL ALL!!! The first 10 minutes of the show is just all the women talking over each other and it’s basically inaudible. Chris Harrison let’s this go on and on. I’m not sure he is even there or if he’s some sort of hologram.
8. There are a lot of hoop earrings happening here. Making us wonder if we need to buy hoop earrings. Or if all the girls are promoting the same hoop earring brand on their Instagram accounts.
9. Liz gets called up to the chair to relive her incredible embarrassing time on the Bachelor. The editors were not kind to her this season. But, the ladies have her back and tell the audience Liz is actually quite an incredible gal. She travels, feeding the hungry abroad. And she’s not just the girl who slept with Nick at a wedding.
"People really don't care about what you do, they care about who are." – Elizabeth 🌹#WomenTellAll #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/sPpnIYEsZn
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) March 7, 2017
10. Next up is Taylor, who gets blasted by the girls for being a bully to Corinne. We feel a little bad for her, but not really. She does seem a little snobby and above everyone else. But, still, bullying the bully really doesn’t help the situation.
11. The best part of the Taylor portion of the show was when Corinne dashes off stage to grab a glass of champagne. Totally regaining all the attention and continuing to be the queen of this season. Or maybe every season of The Bachelor? And, by the way, she is not apologizing to Taylor. Get over it! she says.
Corinne was all of us here… @BachelorABC #TheBachelor #WomenTellAll pic.twitter.com/JpcpXhRwj5
— Good Morning America (@GMA) March 7, 2017
12. The show continues on with a lot, a lot of tears. As we follow up with Kristina and Danielle, who are both still very heartbroken. 🙁 🙁
13. Nick shows up to get grilled by the ladies, and boy do they grill him. Seems like a lot of them felt he was a little cold-hearted in the way he sent them packing. Nick stumbles over his responses, not sure how to defend himself. Instead says he was just doing his best in the circumstances. We get it, you can’t please everyone. Especially in this situation.
14. The episode ends with Rachel, the new Bachelorette, taking the stage and overwhelming support from the women who believe she is everything a Bachelorette should be. And we can’t agree more. The fucked up thing about this is that Nick let her go. What a dummy!
Ladies and gentlemen of Bachelor Nation, our next Bachelorette, @TheRachLindsay! #TheBachelorette #WomenTellAll #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/0Gmytmrivl
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) March 7, 2017
Until next week¦ XOXO