Two weeks ago, I watched my first-ever episode of The Bachelor and I was very confused as to what it was supposed to be and why it was interesting to anybody but maybe the family members of the people on it. (And even then, just how interested could they be?)
But imagine my shock and awe when my Twitter feed last night (and this morning) erupted into a beautiful chorus of “this season is so boring, oh my goodness” with an additional round of “Nick the Bachelor is the worst.”
And this, friends, is what I can get on board with. I mean, look: if you love The Bachelor, bless your heart and bless us everyone because I love a lot of things that confuse a lot of people and I’m not here to condemn your taste in anything, let alone single dudes and dudettes vying for love on national television. But also: this show is a bananas level of boring. Right? I mean, does anyone care who he ends up with at this point? Absolutely not. Are there about 259258258 things more interesting than this season and the man who’s starring in it? Yes. And here are a few of them now:
- Sitting in any waiting room. Like, any waiting room. I think the most boring might be the mechanic’s, but also the place I go has popcorn and coffee so even that isn’t too bad.
- Commercials. Lot of good commercials out there.
- Watching any of the characters (because The Bachelor sure is full of them) shop for clothes. I would watch the hell out of that. I hope that’s a show that happens soon.
- Watching anybody shop for clothes, now that I think of it.
- Watching me type this right now.
- Watching you guys read it.
- Trying to put a sweater on a tiny dog who is not having it.
- Trying to cuddle a cat who’s very happy laying down in the sun, thank you very much.
- Watching The Truth About Cats and Dogs.
- The cup of coffee sitting in front of me that’s slowly going cold. Like, both the coffee itself and the process of looking at it.
- Making coffee, probably?
- Being a literal coffee bean.
- Honestly guys anything.
- Anything is more interesting than this season and probably this show…?
So there we have it. If you were to fold up a pile of light blue v-neck shirts and stick a baseball hat on top, you would likely have something a little more interesting than this season of The Bachelor and 100% more interesting than the Bachelor himself. But look: we did it. We survived. I survived watching one episode and reading the subsequent recaps and you survived nearly a whole season of a dude who I am certain would be easy to win over if you were sarcastic around him one time.
Together, we can achieve anything.