Sucky fact: there’s no shortcut to getting over a breakup. You have to feel it, talk about it, struggle through it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be proactive in getting over your beakup. You don’t have to let it become you. No matter how much you’re hurting, you are bigger than this. Here are 6 steps to moving on with your life and putting the past behind you for good.
Go through it. Not around it.
Face your true feelings.
Talk to your friends, your mom, or a counsellor about how much this sucks, and reach every single dark and dirty nook and cranny of your pain. You need a proper wallowing period to hit rock bottom. It’s brutal, but you can’t expect a feeling to end if you don’t ever let it begin.
Recruit your pals.
Heartbreak is a lonely place to be. Recruit your girl friends to have a girl talk session. After you talk about feelings, there should be pop music, Beyonce videos, dancing, chocolate, wine, reliving photos of your favourite memories. Whatever brings you laughter. What are friends for? Reach out to them and let them know what you need.
Clear the clutter.
Take down the pictures, ditch the souvenirs, all the texts, the tagged photos that now make you want to barf. Delete your ex’s number if you have to. If it tugs at your heart strings when you see it, get it out of your sight. Make your environment 100% conducive to healing. That means no toxic images. You know it’s toxic if it makes a voice in your head say “you should have done this” or “why aren’t you more like her” Blah blah blah … You’re hurting enough without prompting that voice.
Organize your thoughts. Right now, you need to remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments. Write them down. Think of some goals. Long term and short term. Write those down, too. Now is the time to do all the stuff that you truly want to do. Revamp your life plan, starting with a confidence kick.
The best thing to do when you’re heartbroken? Help others. In whatever way you can. Volunteer. Hang out with your grandpa. Help your mom weed the garden. Making other people smile will make you smile, too. This is not so you’re “keeping busy” thereby avoiding your feelings (that’s a recipe for some seriously drawn out heartache). This is about feeling good, finding meaning, and relating to someone else.
Fake it till you make it.
Did you know that when you smile, it actually makes you feel happier? When you smile, your facial muscles send a signal to your brain that triggers the release of endorphins, our natural pain killers. So, smile. Wear a sassy dress to the grocery store. Wear feirce earrings. Get your nails done. Then read your list of strengths again. You go, girl.