Every relationship is inimitable and the recipe for a healthy combination varies immeasurably due to the fact that it’s made up of two wholly distinct individuals. Regardless of the healthy relationship you two of have been concocting, there are five secrets that you, and every couple, should add to the mix to create a duo that will stand the test of time.
Communication garners emphasis on every relationship list because it’s important. However, it’s not usually lack of communication that hurts a relationship, it’s effectiveness of communication that’s oftentimes found wanting. When I stress the importance of communication, I am not advocating the necessity of divulging every mundane gripe along with why you are pissed that sweet-little whoever was squeezed out of The Bachelor. Save that convo for your girlfriends! I’m talking about the big stuff and the tactics behind having productive dialogue in your relationship. So what does that mean exactly? The first important element is listening! We’re women. We are incredibly articulate and can wax eloquent on just about any topic. However, if you want your man to communicate, you need to encourage him by listening and endeavoring to understand his point-of-view. Then, DO NOT berate him for what he has to say. If something hurts you or triggers your anger, explain your feelings without judgment. In other words, avoid pointing the finger with statements like, “you did” or “why would you.” Create a safe space for him to communicate. Realizing that a difficult conversation with you doesn’t have to be terrifying will encourage him to communicate in the future. When it comes to conveying your own feelings about a touchy subject, be rational, focus on the content and be as constructive as possible. Be positive whenever you can and also point out what he does right. He’ll be more willing to accommodate you if he’s getting a gold star elsewhere.
Sex, Sex and More Sex
Sex is one thing that solely belongs to the two of you. It’s sacred. It’s an experience that joins you, physically and emotionally. Enjoy it! It’s not a chore. Sure, waxing your legs and exercising to look hot in lingerie is a chore, but sex shouldn’t be. If you feel like your man isn’t affectionate enough, have some more sex. If you’re not feeling sexy, get busy. Communication here is also key. Talk about your needs and desires and encourage him to do the same. Find out what makes your partner tick and he’ll undoubtedly return the favor. Sometimes our biggest problems can be resolved by making one another feel desired. Make him feel desired and appreciated in bed and his heart will be yours to keep.
Champion One Another
A healthy relationship is like a team. You should encourage greatness in one another! This kind of positive reinforcement not only motivates each of you to achieve your dreams, it intrinsically links you together and forms an impenetrable base for your relationship. Having a partner that takes an active interest in your goals and successes will not only enable you to dare to dream big, it will make him always feel needed as you’re scaling the ladder to success. This takes the problem of a man being intimidated by a woman’s success out of the equation. Most importantly, you will each be able to take pride in each other and be a fundamental part of one another’s achievements and fulfilling milestones.
Get Off the Couch
Sure, couch snuggles and a movie can be a delicious recipe for couple time. However, when the vast majority of couple time, including dinners, is spent on the couch in front of the tube, that’s a prescription for a major rut. Get off the couch and eat dinner together with nothing but conversation to entertain you. Take your relationship out of the house and enjoy doing things together. Whether it be perusing a local bookstore, taking the dogs to the park, skydiving or hitting the road for wine country, make the effort to DO things together. You will undoubtedly connect in a way that’s impossible from your living room. This is what spending your lives together is all about!
Never Lose Yourself
The idea of two people becoming one is terribly misleading. Without you the relationship wouldn’t even exist. In the hustle of rearranging your schedule to be with him, aspiring to be his ideal and making sacrifices and compromises, you can easily lose track of who he fell in love with in the first place. You! The day you look up and can’t recognize yourself will be the day he no longer sees you for you. So, make yourself a priority. Flaunt and embrace who you are and act on your goals and desires. He will follow your lead and cherish you all the more because you’re happy, true to yourself and know who you are.