Your girlfriends are some of the most important people in your life, but sometimes life gets hectic and you can’t always be there for them. When that happens, don’t just awkwardly pretend it didn’t – denying it will only make you both feel worse. Fixing a friend-scuffle is a matter of putting yourself in her shoes and showing some empathy. Here are some situation-specific damage control tips.
1. You dissed her man
Telling your friend the ugly truth about the way you feel about her man can be double sided. It feels awesome getting it off your chest because you might feel like you’re helping her in the long run. The bottom line is, if she’s got stars in her eyes over him, anything you say will be interpreted as unsupportive.
If you’ve upset her with your honesty, explain yourself. Don’t try to backtrack. Without overstepping your boundaries, explain why you said what you said but emphasize the fact that you just think she deserves the best, not the fact that he’s lacklustre. After all, she might really like him a lot, and so your diss will be taken personally.
2. You lied to her
Nothing destroys friendships like keeping secrets. Swallow your pride and tell her the truth before she finds out from someone else or before it eats you up inside. Depending on what the lie was about, her trust for you may be totally compromised when you tell her. She’ll likely feel played for a fool, which can be humiliating, so be prepared to back off and give her some time to forgive you. This is one of those situations where the right thing is the hardest thing.
3. You haven’t returned her calls or texts forever
If she’s giving you the cold shoulder, bring up your silence and apologize. Even though you’ve got a life outside of her, and you probably feel like her feeling hurt is unwarranted or unfair, respecting her feelings is the right thing to do. Just keep in mind the bigger picture here, that you love her and want her in your life. To do that, you have to hear her out and make her feel validated.
4. You lost your temper
Lashing out at a pal isn’t pretty, but an out-of-character tantrum every once in a while isn’t the end of the world if you handle it maturely afterward. Whether it was a drunken squabble or a PMS induced freak out, our good friends will usually find it in their hearts to forgive us. In this situation, a random act of kindness goes a long way. Apologize, then bring her a latte at work, or stop by with a bunch of flowers. Assure her it wasn’t personal.
5. You said something insensitive
Saying something hurtful to a friend makes you both feel terrible, but it happens. A slip of the tongue can unfortunately resonate for days or weeks, but just be thankful that she said something rather than just harboring resentment inside. You’ve got to do some soul searching here. Why did you say what you said? Are you unhappy with her for some deeper, underlying reason? Apologize for your insensitive statement, then talk about the real issue. Getting to what’s really happening is the only way to get over it.