It’s late. It’s loud. Your friend has been distracted with someone all night. You come back from the bathroom and your girlfriends are nowhere to be found. You just got ditched. There’s no excuse for abandoning a friend at the bar. Unfortunately, when cocktail deals are being flaunted left right and center and things get hazy, it can happen frighteningly easy. Here’s your plan of action when you’re given the shaft.
Wait till the night is over to talk to her.
Resist the urge to send her a scathing text message at 3 AM scolding her for leaving you high and dry. Its way late, one or both of you may be drunk, and you’re probably too angry at this point to think straight anyway. Wait until the next day to air your grievances. Calm down and collect your thoughts. It won’t be a productive conversation if call her and a yelling match ensues while you’re standing on the curb waiting for the bus. Not a good look.
Consider the situation.
Before you talk to your pal, ask yourself the real reason you’re frustrated “ is it because her ditching you is an ongoing theme in your friendship? Does she have a track record of getting drunk and completely disrespectful? Ditching a friend in any social situation is, in and of itself, reason enough to warrant an honest discussion, but if there’s an underlying issue going on that more accurately explains why you’re mad, be aware of it before you talk to your friend so you can address what’s really bothering you.
Talk in person.
Avoid a long winded, passive aggressive text match all day long the next day. Talk to her in person about what happened. You want to get your feelings off your chest and also give her a chance to explain herself and apologize. Be open to her side of the story. Be practical in your use of language. Explain what happened, and how it made you feel. Keep in mind that if you use accusatory language, your friend will become defensive and it won’t be as productive a conversation.
Let her know it can never happen again.
Plain and simple. You’re totally in the right to tell her that this kind of thing can never go down again. You need to be able to trust and depend on her, and also importantly, have a good time partying with her without wondering if she’s going to bail out of the blue again.
Get past it.
If this was a one-time thing, you talked about it, and she apologized, forgive her and forget about it. Life is too short to hold grudges against good friends for drunken mistakes that occur after last call. What does matter is that you both feel heard, you both know you love and care about each other, and want to continue to party with each other. Now, go for drinks and try again.
