If you can’t believe I’m writing about Leonardo DiCaprio twice in the week leading up to his inevitable Oscar win, then clearly you have never found me on Twitter, nor do you have your priorities straight. (Was that harsh? I’m sorry and I love you.)
But let’s talk about this: Maggie Smith kissed Leonardo DiCaprio and now she’s dishing the dirt because she’s a goddamn Dame, and this is how you work the press, people.
Here’s what went down.
During the BAFTA’s, Maggie (my close and personal friend) and Leo (my boyfriend/love of my life) were captured on the Kiss Cam together. And so they obliged because they knew I wouldn’t be upset and also if it can’t be me, I’d rather it be Maggie (again, my close and personal friend).
“He did indeed give me a big kiss,” said the 81-year-old actress/my new hero. “That was a thrill for me. A real thrill. I think he is a terrific actor. And I’ve been rooting and voting for him since What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. I thought he was so amazing in that when he was so young.”
So okay, fine. She did not talk about what it was like to feel him that close to you or to experience the magic of like, being able to pretend he’s Jack Dawson and/or Romeo Montague while whispering “You jump I jump” into his beautiful ears. She did not say what he smelled like (I am assuming great — though if any publicist wants to tell me specifically what cologne he wears that’s totally fine). She did not say whether his lips were well-moisturized or if his eyes glistened in a way that’s reserved usually for when he looks at me. Frankly, she gave no real details.
But this is as close as we’ve gotten to getting the scoop.
And honestly, that’s as close as I want to get, unless it’s me giving you guys the scoop because I don’t need to hear what 19-year-old model thinks about Leo. (No shade, but like — come on.) So we got it, you guys — the full Leo make out experience, minus anything like that at all. But I will pretend. And when — yes when — he wins on Sunday and he thanks me and I meet him backstage and say, “You did it and yes I will totally marry you” I will have the full Leo make out experience to tell you myself.
And no, I am not delusional in the slightest. Don’t you dare judge me.