Are You Ready For the Full Moon in Scorpio?

Congratulations to all of us, we made it, here we are: the Full Moon in Scorpio is finally upon us.

And what does that mean? In a word: feelings. Many feelings. So many feelings, in fact, that by Thursday you will have found you have morphed into a Drake meme, spewing emotions all over the place.

Worse yet is nobody will have expected these emotions. For the most part, these emotions will come out of nowhere, making everything you say and do exacerbated by a thousand white hot suns because guess what Scorpio is: intense. Intense as fuck, if I’m honest, and I say this as a person who nearly destroyed the soup/pasta aisle at the grocery store yesterday because I couldn’t find the Mr. Noodles (which were directly below my eye line). Chani Nicholas (who I trust with my life despite us having never met) describes this time as “cathartic” and “therapeutic,” which can be a reminder of “our ability to take what has been painful and pour it into what is productive.”

As she so beautifully says, “This moon can remind us of the powerful fuel that our emotions can be.”

Which is my favourite kind of emotion, TBH: productivity fuelled by rage and/or such an intense brand of sadness that I have convinced myself that I can and will do anything. So with the geyser of feelings you are currently dealing with in mind, here is how I suggest you channel your Moon Energy (someone coin that term after giving me money for it) into cold, hard, action.

So! Use the Full Moon in Scorpio to:

  • Answer emails — like, every email. Answer every single email you’ve been avoiding since the dawn of time. Answer them intensely too. Not, “No thank you!” but “How dare you waste my time with your idiot questions, you moron.” Say yes not with professional politeness but with a solid “FUCK YEAH.” Cut off anyone who tells you you’re being inappropriate. Tell your boss they are lucky to have you. Apologize for telling them not to waste time with their questions. Ask them please not to fire you. Blame the Moon.
  • Decline every Facebook invitation. All of them. All 2592852525 of them. And decline them with reasons, too. Reasons like “I would rather eat poison” and “You have got to be kidding me.” Ride the wave of your most extreme self. Take refuge in knowing you will never, ever be invited to another DJ night again.
  • Confront anyone who’s ever wronged you. From that weird dude on Twitter to that girl in high school who for some reason didn’t want you to show up at her party. Confront them all. Confront them and, like Drake delivering his most emotionless line, ask “Why?” If they’ve been paying attention to the moon cycles, they will know — they are ready. They are expecting this.
  • Scream into the sun. It knows what it did.
  • Respond to every troll on Twitter with a gif of a small lamb. This will confuse them and render them helpless. Then find where they live and steal their cars. (JK JK JK) (Or am I?)
  • Buy your groceries for the next 14 years. Use your emotions to fuel the energy you’ll need to make it from the grocery store to your car or your home or to the subway or to the streetcar or whatever mode of transportation you prefer to land you at the place you sleep at night.
  • Clean out your desk. Throw everything away. If anybody asks, scream that everything represents the past and that SOME OF US LIVE IN THE PRESENT, CAROL.
  • Pick up a few things for me. I have a list. I don’t personally have time to make it to the store today. Could you please run my errands?
  • @ Drake and let him know that you finally understand him. Pen a response to “Passionfruit.” Wait for him to say “Please call me Aubrey.” Cry not alone, but together.

You have less than 24 hours. Make it count.

Tags: Anne T. Donahue, astrology, drake, full moon, pop culture, Scorpio

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  1. Avatar
    • James Moses
    • May 11, 2017

    …..if ONLY you meant NICK Drake, Anne (in WHICH case it’d be a PINK moon in Scorpio…..)

  2. Avatar
    • Clair T
    • May 10, 2017

    Funniest sh** I read all month.

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