Vanilla sex, according to Urban Dictionary, is "typically sweet and happy and very lovey dovey" (we assume that includes no kink, danger, risk, or taboo activity.) Wow. Whoever wrote that definition really knows how to get a girl revved up and ready for some lovey dovey lovin'.
Thinking a little more about the general assumptions around the term "vanilla sex" might lead one to wonder, why does it get such a bad rap? What, exactly, is wrong with "sweet" or "happy" sex? Aren't those good things? When did they become something undesirable?
According to this Bitch article, the meaning of vanilla in a sexual context has turned into something derogatory, which is totally not what the term has ever actually meant. Writer Catherine Scott writes, "vanilla was a term (kinksters) intended to simply differentiate between sexual preferences, but it was not necessarily meant to put down or diminish the value of non-kinky lifestyles. Yes, there are kinksters who use it sneeringly, but I think most kinky folk have experienced enough disapproval to refrain from subjecting other sexual cultures to the same marginalization."
So, the only way to demonstrate narrow mindedness when it comes to sexual practices (which is what vanilla implies) is to label them and then use those labels to poke fun at other peoples preferences. Trying to make anyone feel not exotic enough, too exotic, too or not enough anything, in the bedroom, certainly ain't sexy.
The article concludes with a quote from BDSM blogger Clarissa Thorn, who advocates that it's important "to stay aware of pressures on everyone, and to help people create space for boundaries as well as sexual exploration." There's room for both, and everything in-between, in every bedroom. Because whatever you want to do, however you want to do it, behind closed doors (or open, or behind no doors at all), is a-ok.
Why let anyone turn-off your taste for vanilla? Sweetness doesn't have to be a weakness.
