Last night… on RuPaul’s Drag Race season 10: A quick update on the status of the Werk Room: they’re out of fake noses, but on the plus side, it’s absolutely teeming with spiders!
No, it wasn’t Hocus Pocus week on Ru’s. The queens were challenged to create campaigns for new dating apps.
The mini-challenge channeled the seediness of a banned ’90s Calvin Klein campaign as the queens screen-tested for a RuPaul chocolate bar commercial. The victors were appointed team captains, with Broadway darling Blair St. Clair repping the doomsday prepper-app End Of Days; Monique Heart in charge of the love connection for pathological liars, Fibstr; and Monet X Change heading up the truly touching cyber Cupid, the everything’s-good-but-her-face app Madam Buttrface.
While filming for Fibstr, the only laughs Heart got from co-directors Michelle Visage and Carson Kressley were for having the audacity to take over the set. “This one’s a total disaster,” Kressley observed.
That seemed to be a running theme. The cast of Madam Buttrface were all scrambling for prosthetic noses, leaving team leader Monet fuming, “The app isn’t Date The Nose Girls!” Date The Nose Girls would have been an improvement on the jumbled mess they delivered. Thankfully Asia O’Hara saved the day by serving face that Michelle Visage compared to no less a diva icon than “Lucy, the missing link.”
— World of Wonder (@WorldOfWonder) April 6, 2018
After walking a feather-themed runway challenge, the dating app commercials were screened. If Walk of Shame had a face, that’s the expression that Team Fibstr wore. Their efforts made about as much sense as guest judge Courtney Love circa 1989 through 1996.
Asia was the challenge winner for her epic Tweetie Bird-inspired gown, but mostly for doing makeup that was just slightly prettier than a Neanderthal. Mayhem Miller, who appeared as a dominatrix in a sight gag that fell flat, and Kameron Michaels, who slayed evil queen on the runway but bombed as Fibstr’s pitchster, were proclaimed the bottoms alongside Yuhua Hamasaki, whose butterface consisted of gorgeous eyebrows and cheetah spot-esque makeup. Her face was not a but!
In a Lipsync For Your Life to Hole’s “Celebrity Skin,” Yuhua did air-guitar like Celine Dion while Mayhem brought the cray in a way that gave Courtney Love the kind of googly eyes Simon Cowell reserves for Susan Boyle. For Mayhem’s finale, she ripped her feathers out by the fistful and Yuhua was, of course, sent home.
— World of Wonder (@WorldOfWonder) April 6, 2018
Oh, and did we mention there was also inter-queen drama, 11 out of 12 queens shrieking over a spider, and a group recitation of “Vanjie!”? These are their stories.
Most Likely To Be Part Of A “Year In Review” Article Of Things We Forgot About: Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Vanessa Vanjie Mateo may have been eliminated first, but her legacy, saying “Vanjie!”, lives on. Though her ascent to meme-dom seemed to have reached its apex, a chorus of queens calling out “Vanjie!” in the workroom this week ensures her legacy, like John Stamos, is immortal.
— RuPaul’s Drag Race (@RuPaulsDragRace) April 6, 2018
Best Butch Queen Receipts: Kameron Michaels
If any of the girls need their honour defended, send Kameron Michaels. When the Werk Room was invaded by a spider, causing shrieks, pandemonium, and an intermission in a juicy Aquaria/The Vixen feud, she took it upon herself to trap that spider in a cup and send it back to hell. Do we hear wedding bells? Oh, no, sorry that was just an alert on our Date The Nose Girls app.
— Michelle Collins (@michcoll) April 6, 2018
Least Likely To Be Possessed By A Gay Demon: Dusty Ray Bottoms
On a very special At The Makeup Mirror, the queens compared their experiences with sexuality and religion. While Blair’s ultra-Christian mom is her best friend and Monet goes to church choir rehearsals in drag, Dusty Ray Bottoms told a horrifying story of being given an “exorcism” after coming out to his parents. A priest told him, “In a homosexual relationship, you will never find love.” While the experience didn’t make him straight, it did cause him to more-or-less stop talking to his family. Now his fiancé is even hotter than a demon from hell. Bravo Dusty!
Most Likely App For Courtney Love To Actually Totally Download: End Of Days
The doomsday preppers’ dating app End Of Days elicited an interesting response from Courtney Love. “It’s not an app maybe I’d use, but I think about it,” she said. “Armageddon, which may be coming.” So not only are we on the brink of apocalypse, but one of the sole survivors will be Courtney Love. We’re doomed!
Best Last Words: The Vixen
Both pre- and post-spider attack, Aquaria and The Vixen squabbled after Aquaria accused The Vixen of only winning last week’s challenge, theme: Very Best Drag, by borrowing a flaming orange wig from Eureka. It was a real back-and-forth as to who would get the last word, until The Vixen summoned the spirit of Miranda Priestly and declared, “THAT’S ALL!”
Next week, on RuPaul’s Drag Race?: The competition goes old school as the queens prepare to compete in a Ball, an occasion so exciting, Eureka pops out of her zipper (unfortunately it is the one on the back of her dress, but still). Empire’s Tisha Campbell-Martin and Dear White People’s Logan Browning guest judge.
Will the queens risk the werk room now that there has been exactly one spider ever in there? Will hair and makeup restock the prosthetic noses? Will we still be saying “Vanjie!” by then?
Find out on episode four of RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season 10 on Thursday at 8 PM E/P on OUTtv.