Beckhams Will Not Name Their Child “Santa”

While most Hollywood baby news is met with “well, that’s nice”, things changed upon the announcement of Posh and Becks’ incoming offspring when the world re-realized their collective love of Baby Gap, Babys ‘R Us and baby books with several meanings of the same name.

However, despite the eccentricities of the rich and famous, the Beckhams will not be naming their next child “Santa” – regardless of what a “source” at the Sun has to say.

Upon the revelation that “Posh thinks Santa Beckham has a lovely ring to it and wants something unique” – followed by the rebuttal that “David prefers something traditional, but will probably go along with what she chooses” – the people representing England’s favourite famous people have come forward and emphasized that the rumour is “simply tabloid nonsense”.

It has been confirmed that the couple are expecting a little girl – the first of the three boys (Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz), but considering “Santa” and “Cruz” go together better than, well, anything else, it’s likely a relief for anyone in the couple’s social circle (nay, the entire world) that the name Santa is a no-go.

Especially since years later we’re still reeling from Gwyneth’s call to name her kid Apple. (Seriously. APPLE.)