I will be the first to admit that I hate change (so those of you who know me can snicker in the background about how gross an understatement this is). It’s funny because as much as I dislike change, I quite like progression, whether it’s getting better at using Photoshop or trying to lose weight. But when it comes to actually making a change (like training myself to eat better and exercise regularly to lose that weight), I avoid it like the plague.
It’s interesting that I’ve found myself making a large lifestyle-affecting change when I’ve avoided it for so long. I took a leap back into the world of full-time freelance work, a place I’ve been before, but under very different circumstances. This time, I did what most “adults” do and thought long and hard about it, talked it through with my S.O., cried like a child anytime the thought popped up, but eventually said fuck it and took the jump.
Of course, because I’m me, after I made my decision, my mood swayed somewhere between a feeling that I can only equate to buyers’ remorse and an overly positive gung-ho attitude that was exhausting to keep up. I’ve had several am I crazy?! meltdowns, depending on the day, but, I’m a week into my new lifestyle and I’ve settled somewhere around Okay, I’m doing this, let’s figure this shit out.
As much as I hate change, I love planning (and we’ve found the reason why I hate change so much: it’s deviating from The Plan). So the only way I could convince the neurotic change-hating side of me to get on board with something new was the prospect of creating a new plan. This plan, of course, is colour-coordinated and laminated and will never ever (ever) change again (I’m laughing at myself right now), but in case that plan doesn’t work and we have to cut up the laminated version, I also got to create another backup exit plan. Now, I know things will change again. I have a pretty good idea that in a couple years I’m going to look back on this moment and chuckle at how much things have changed, but sometimes it’s comforting to tell myself that things are going to stay the same for a while.
Ultimately, as crazy as I’m coming across as right now, I know that change is good. Change means learning and growth, two things I completely support and advocate for at any stage in your life. Because if you’re not learning or growing, you’re staying stagnant, and staying stagnant often leads to feeling complacent, and that’s just a crappy place to be for all parties involved.
I was feeling that shift into not-quite-unhappy-but-definitely-not-ecstatic, which is just one town away from complacencyland. Struggle can often contribute to the learning and growing process, but you know when you’ve moved past that point and have gotten everything good out of the experience that you’re going to get. I enjoy what I do for a living”I love writing and editing and, obviously, colour-coding and planning (you should see my editorial calendar/budget spreadsheet), so when an opportunity presented itself that would allow me to do more of it, on my own time, in my own home (introvert 4 lyfe) with more yoga peppered in there, even the neurotic part of my brain got on board.