The secret has been out of the bag for some time now. Reaching the big-O isn’t easy for us ladies. But did you know 10 per cent of women out there have never orgasmed before? That's no orgasm through sexual intercourse or masturbation. Women who find themselves in that 10 per cent may feel extremely frustrated not being able to fulfill their sexual desires. It's something so natural yet thousands of women go through their lives without experiencing it. If you are one of them, don’t worry, you can get there. Here’s why you’ve never had an orgasm but most importantly how you can get one:
You’re not alone
When it comes to sex, no one, and I mean no one (men and women) should believe anything they see when they watch movies or porn. For the most part, it’s completely inaccurate and unrealistic. The biggest misconception: that women have no difficulty ‘coming.’ This is completely untrue, in fact most women will have difficulty climaxing at some point in their lives and some will never have one altogether. Whichever category you fall under, you’re not alone, especially those who’ve never had an orgasm before. Did you know Marilyn Monroe never had an orgasm until she started seeing a psychiatrist later in her life? Yes, that’s right. The sex symbol of the century also had difficulty reaching the big-O. But not to worry, tape transcripts released decades after her death show Monroe crying tears of joy to Dr. Ralph Greenson, thanking him for helping her deal with her sexual frustrations and helping her reach multiple orgasms! So not only are you not alone, but there's also hope.
Get to know your body
Now it’s time to get to work. You need to familiarize yourself with your own body. A lot of sexual frustrations stem from not being comfortable in your own skin. Stare at your naked body in front of a mirror and appreciate the beautiful skin you’re in. Also, get to know what your nether regions look like. If you’re sexually active, it’s important to know what your vagina looks like. If you know what your vagina looks like healthy, you'll be able to recognize if anything suspicious comes along.
Another way to familiarize yourself with your body is by touching yourself. Not only will a little self love help you figure out what you like, but also help you relax and feel comfortable with yourself. And hopefully these things will translate in the bedroom next time you and your partner have sex. Some women find the idea of touching themselves gross or unnatural. But the truth is, about 47% of women conceive their first orgasm through masturbation. And think about, there’s no pressure. It’s just a sexual form of self-discovery where you get to find out what feels good to you. Unlike sex, where women tend to pressure themselves to ‘come,’ when you’re by yourself there’s no need to have expectations. Enjoy your party for one.
Build the tension
When you’re doing the deed, sex experts say a great way to help achieve an orgasm is to build up muscle tension. Women often build up the most tension in their abdomen, pelvic area and legs. Now the beauty of building up this muscle tension is it increases the blood flow throughout your body, including your genital area, which increases your sexual arousal and therefore increases your chances of having an orgasm.
Relax your mind
When sex experts tell you you need to relax during sex, what they really mean is you have to relax your mind. I get it, a lot goes on in there but you need to just let go. Stop thinking and just focus on your senses. Focus on the touching, sensations and the way you and your partner’s body move in rhythm. Simply enjoy each other. Don’t think of an orgasm as a mandatory goal you need to achieve when having sex. Think of it as a potential bonus to the great time you're having to ease some of the pressure. Easier said than done but sometimes a change in perspective will help you in the bedroom.
Be open about it
Be open with your partner and let them know about the sexual struggles you've been having. That way you don’t have to feel guilty for faking it all the time and it will take away the pressure to climax. Just be honest with your partner and who knows, maybe it can be something you can work on together.
Talk to your doctor if nothing is working
Sometimes your difficulty in achieving an orgasm can be medical, so it’s extremely important to be upfront with your doctor with any sexual frustrations you may be having. It may also be mental. You may have unconsciously created a mental barrier for yourself that prevents you from climaxing. Talk about it with your doctor, sometimes the solutions are as simple as talking to a therapist to help you recognize these barriers. And once you do, you’ll be feeling the fireworks in no time.