Casual relationships, hooking up, flings – there are many terms for engaging in casual sex with a guy friend. After all, who could be a better choice than that (hot) guy you already know, trust and like? It’s a harmless, fun thing to do while you are in between, (or maybe even instead of) relationships. Recently, though, a New York Times article suggested that having lots of friends with benefits may hurt your chances for finding long-term love. Let’s discuss:
Friends with Benefits Means No Monogamy
This may go without saying, but the very basis of a “friends with benefits” arrangement is that there is no relationship. That’s the point – just benefits! When you have a friend with “bennies”, both of you are completely free to date and have sex with anyone else. The New York Times noted that people in “friends with benefits” relationships were more likely to be involved with more than one partner “ but messing around with a lot of people could lead to a lot of mixed feelings and you wondering why none of the casual flings go anywhere.
Are You Looking for Love.
If the two of you were already friends, and if what went on between the sheets was hot, who’s to say that love won’t blossom?
You can take this as a “foot in the door” advantage – once your friend has sampled your, um, charms, he’ll have no choice but to extricate himself from all other relationships to devote himself to you. Or so you hope (and I agree with you!)
I wouldn’t feel right, however, not advising you that the odds are against you finding the love of your life this way. (One study found that only 10% of these relationships turn into lasting ones.) But the worst case scenario may be that while he has enough feelings for you for a sexual relationship (and let’s face it, exactly how much of those feelings are enough for a guy?), he doesn’t have enough to be in a committed relationship with you. And that can only lead to heartbreak for you.
So, where does this leave us? Are you more likely to not find true love because you prefer friends with benefits? Do friends with benefits hurt your chances for finding true love?
What do you think?