Don’t you miss the days where you could send your most trusted girlfriend across the schoolyard at recess, she’d go talk to your crush, find out if he liked you back, and you’d completely circumvent any awkward face-to-face interaction at all? If only that were acceptable adult behaviour! But, fear not: Here are three risk-free ways to tell him that you like him without causing yourself (much) emotional scarring:
Message in a Bottle
…of booze. Confess how much you like him after a bender that started with post-work patio drinks at 5pm, included G&T’s for dinner and tequila shots for dessert. While his defenses are down, tell him how you feel: at this point he’ll be so low-functioning that you’ll see the true emotion all over his face.
Recovery move: If he hesitates even for a second (that’s 30 minutes in sober time) just plead alcohol amnesia victim the next day; He’ll be relieved, and your friendship will remain intact¦ because bruised egos don’t show on the outside.
Brave & Blunt
Tell him in words, to his face. For best results, choose a moment when it’s just the two of you where he is giving you physical clues that he is also attracted to you: His arm is casually slung around your shoulders, he has just released you from a welcome-back/congratulations-on-that-thing bear hug, or he’s just finished pouring his heart out about how you’re the only one who really understands the brilliance of the Fast & Furious franchise.
Recovery move: If his reaction is to drop eye contact, start mumble-stuttering and shuffling backwards, quickly implement the old just-kidding-ha-ha-punch-in-the-arm combo¦ all the laughing will prevent him from noticing the tears in your eyes.
Send a note
Emailing him every so often with carefully selected clips, jokes or awesome videos to set the tone (ie., the one of the cat hugging the kitten who has a bad dream: who could resist?!). Text him after his ultimate frisbee/hockey/softball games to see how his team did, or to wish him luck before his big job interview. When you start getting responses like ˜U da best. What would I do w.out u?’ go in for the kill with a zinger like ˜Hope u nevr have 2 find out’ and let your winking emoticon work his imagination.
Recovery move: If don’t get a response within the hour, immediately change your Facebook status to ˜Has anyone seen my BB?’ and tweet about your ˜lost’ cell¦ this is the perfect alibi for the story you’re going to tell tomorrow about your phone being hijacked by your romance-obsessed prankster roomie/niece/sister.
Have you ever regretted not telling a guy your true feelings, or been burned when you did spill your guts? Tell us how it turned out.