Navigating the “Let’s Be Exclusive” Talk

It’s one of those dreaded pressure test moments that arises in every relationship “ you often feel like your walking on eggshells waiting for it to happen anywhere from two weeks to six months after you’ve started seeing someone new. So how do you navigate the let’s be exclusive talk and make sure that you get exactly what you want out of the situation?

If it’s coming from you¦

So you want to be exclusive, huh? And of course he isn’t moving an inch to make any suggestions and you’ve decided that what-the-heck! you are going to go for it. Here’s how to prep and what to plan for.

  • Know your audience. If this guy has specifically stated over and over again that he isn’t interested in a serious relationship then it’s best to probably sit this one out and wait for him to be ready to come to you.
  • Don’t give ultimatums. Telling him that you need something serious or nothing at all won’t get you anything because unless he is definitely ready to commit you’re either going to end up losing someone you really care about (who might just need some time to figure things out) or with a dude who isn’t ready to commit to you and therefore probably won’t treat you great. Ultimatums are terrible things. Don’t ever use them.
  • Don’t get dejected. Always remember that not yet isn’t necessarily the same as no. Just because he’s not ready to commit right now doesn’t mean that he won’t be in a few weeks or months. Give it time and circle back when the time feel right.

If it’s coming from him¦

On the flip side, what happens when he initiates the conversation? Obviously this is every girls dream (because we all know we’d overthink it to death otherwise), but it can also be a real nightmare if you aren’t ready to commit to this guy just yet. So how do you navigate the exclusive talk when you’re not quite ready to be there yet?

  • Be straight up. The worst thing you can do here is lie to him about wanting something more serious and then have to backtrack later. If you’re not ready to commit to this guy, just be honest and tell him straight out that you’re interested in a future with him just not yet or that you really just aren’t sure where things are going. He’ll appreciate the honesty.
  • Suggest keeping it casual. If you like this guy but you really aren’t ready to narrow your odds just yet. Suggest that you two continue to keep seeing each other casually, while dating other people as well. A mature guy will be totally okay with giving you this time and space, keep that in mind.

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