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Marriage Jitters: Is it Cold Feet or Something More?

Your big-day doubts, decoded

To think you're going to launch into your engagement without some feelings of apprehension would be unrealistic. This is a whole-life commitment we're talking here. But as nerve wracking as marriage is, it should be exciting. This is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with! Right? If you're even a little unsure about it, you'll need to do some soul searching. Start off by reading these cold-feet signs, and what they might mean.

You miss your ex

To say you're going to get married and never think about another man again would be false. It's going to happen. You'll likely miss certain things about ex's, and your eye will wander among people on the street. But at the end of the day, your partner should be the person you can't imagine living life without. Your attraction should be strong in mind, body and soul, and you should be confident that it will last the ages. 

He's starting to get on your nerves

If you find yourself picking apart every little thing he's saying, it could be that you're anxious about becoming annoyed by him in the future, you're just getting to know him and his quirks better, or it could be a mix of both. That he's starting to get on your nerves is probably a good sign – if he keeps on being "perfect" to you, then you don't know him well enough to commit for life. It's not about "solving" his flaws, or the things that bother you, it's about accepting them.

Someone said something about marriage that's getting to you

Anything flippant statement made by someone – your mom, your friend, a bus driver – can crawl under your skin and make you question your plans. Remember how Miranda told Big at Carrie's he was crazy to get married before marrying Carrie? It set him off into a panic. You have to accept that there are going to be people who don't agree with your marriage, or marriage in general. You have to be confident enough in your beliefs to know that this is right for you.

You're afraid to tell him about it

Worried he won't trust you anymore if you divulge that you're having cold feet? This is probably normal, just remember that you're in this together! Make the nerves something you can talk about and share in together. If there's an elephant in the room – not just about your marriage jitters, but anything you're afraid to tell him, it might be a sign that you don't feel comfortable talking about your feelings. You should feel at ease discussing aything on your mind, especially if it's something this big. 

You're dealing with a personal issue

If most of your energy is spent on recovering from an addiction, mental health problems or dealing with a personal grief right now, you're not in the right space to make another huge life change. A clear mind is a necessary prerequisite to a huge decision like marriage. You need to be completely ready to share your whole life with someone.  You have to be 100% firm in yourself before you can be secure with someone else. 

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