How to Maintain Control in a New Relationship

New relationships can make you feel vulnerable. You like someone, you’re completely available to them, and they know it. That doesn’t have to mean you would bow down at their feet if they wanted. Make it so that you call the shots in your new relationship. Here’s how… 

Don’t be a yes girl
That means saying no when it doesn’t work for you. For example, if he calls you at 11 PM when he said he’d call you “that day” maybe it’s too late for you and you’ve “made other plans.” Don’t lie, but you need to let your partner know what you will and will not stand for. 

Stand your ground
Be assertive and say what you’re really thinking. For example, if he does call you at 11 PM and wants you to come over, tell him it’s too late. Plain and simple. If he had called three hours ago, of course. Now, no. You don’t have to be mean, and you can say it in your own words, but don’t shy away from the issue. You’re doing both of you a favour. 

Don’t take things too seriously
Poke some harmless fun at him. Laugh at yourself, too. Who wants to talk about super serious feelings all the time anyway? Show him you don’t take this too, too seriously. Make the relationship fun. That’s what dating is all about, right? 

Be a little aloof.
A little mystery goes a long way in a new relationship. Until you’re both at the place where you feel completely comfortable sharing everything, keep him guessing. Short texts. Brief phone calls. Allude to things you do outside your relationship – this will let him know you’re independent. 

Be confident, not dominant.
You want to be in control, not dominate anyone. Power struggles suck. Listen to him intently (you should want to anyway, right?) and let him know you’re interested in what he’s saying. When you make him feel good when he’s speaking, he’ll feel good talking to you. You’re not putting him on a pedestal, but you want to let him know you enjoy his company and you’re interested so he’ll open up. There’s a certain level of give and take that has to happen. Just make sure you’re not giving more than he is. 

Tags: controlling relationships, maintain control in a relationship, power struggle

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