Discovering there’s been cheating in your relationship can be a devastating blow, even for the most together, well adjusted person. Something about discovering you weren’t the only one can be deeply wounding to the ego. While not easy to get over and move past, rest assured, it can be done. And done in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling bitter, betrayed and victimized by the experience.
Talk it out:
Obvious perhaps, but this is the time to pull in all of your support. The big guns. Your friends, family and any other support systems you might have in place. And talk about what happened to ensure it’s out of your system. The worse thing you can do is internalize the experience, so rehash, relive, and get it all out.
Understand it’s not you:
It takes two to tango, sure, but a spouse that chooses to cheat says more about their own character and demons then it does about yours. Don’t forget that. So, take the time to put it into perspective and avoid taking on an excess load of blame. This might have happened regardless of what you did (or didn’t do) and more often than not, it has nothing to do with you at all.
Learn from it:
Give yourself the luxury of some time before you jump into a new relationship and really assess some of the lessons from this experience. Maybe the lesson has to do with listening better to what your intuition or gut was telling you. Maybe it has to do with choosing a partner with more care and consideration. Either way, take the time and learn from it.
Let it go:
One you’ve talked about it, thought about it and processed it, let it go. That’s right. No trick. No magic about it. It’s a conscious decision you need to make every day until it starts to happen naturally. So choose to let it go and not carry it with you into your future experiences. The more often you choose to let it go, the less power the experience holds over you leaving you open to trust again.