Are You Dating a Jerk?

by Cecily Hunter
15 years ago
Relationships
21 comments

The movies are full of major-league jerks ” from James Spader in Pretty in Pink to Vince Vaughan in Wedding Crashers ” but in real life, you can’t always separate the nice guys from the d-bags by their feathered hair. And while dating a jerk can be exciting (the adrenaline rush when he finally calls!) it’s also a surefire recipe for dismantling your self-esteem. If your boyfriend fits the criteria below, create an eHarmony profile”stat.

 

1 “ He’s rude to people. A jerk is only nice to people if they can give him something in return”and that doesn’t include servers, cab drivers, hotel staff¦

2 “ He doesn’t make an effort to be involved in your life. It’s too much of a hassle to get to know your family and friends”and what’s the pay-off? A jerk will only be interested in the parts of your life that affect him, which means he won’t remember the name of your best friend from childhood, your middle name or your boss’s name.

3 “ His eye is so wandering it should have its own passport. What’s worse than blatantly checking out other women? Comparing you unfavourably with them. If you’ve heard anything along the lines of See the way she’s wearing that dress? She looks fantastic, start practicing your ninja skills. Another favourite: any sentence that begins with My ex¦.

4 “ He never puts you first. Selfishness can colour the big picture (e.g., he ditches you on your birthday because his buddy scored hockey tickets), but it also filters through into the everyday. Does he make a cup of coffee for himself, but not for you? Does he routinely take the bigger piece of pie, or the unburnt piece of toast? Is it always his music on the stereo and his favourite show on TV? If yes, he’s probably just as self-absorbed in the bedroom”his pleasure is the point, not yours.

5 “ He makes you feel bad about yourself. This is the catch-all law of jerkdom. Jerks will belittle you about everything, from your weight to your taste in movies. (If you find yourself shredding your New Moon ticket stub, ask yourself if he’s worth it.) A boyfriend should inspire you to be the best version of yourself, not make you feel ashamed about who you are.

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Tags: Dating, ex

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Comments

    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    U don’t have to be a guy to be a jerk. I’m a female jerk… as I’m told anyway. I usually don’t notice the rude way I’m acting. And mostly I know I’m right. I’m very persistent when I want something. Self-satisfaction is the key… cause “I’m worth it!”. F–k everyone else!! Every man for himself. Your own happiness means the most.
    The world is yours
    Yours Truly,
    Amberella
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    U don’t have to be a guy to be a jerk. I’m a female jerk… as I’m told anyway. I usually don’t notice the rude way I’m acting. And mostly I know I’m right. I’m very persistent when I want something. Self-satisfaction is the key… cause “I’m worth it!”. F–k everyone else!! Every man for himself. Your own happiness means the most.
    The world is yours
    Yours Truly,
    Amberella
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I just dated someone like that, because i had no idea how he really was deep inside. He was always hanging out with all the other girls instead of me, and he blew me off when my best friend came to town just to meet him. He also told one of my BFFs that he never even liked me and that he was just so desperate that he dated me. He’s a jerk.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    #2 and #4 sound familiar.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    # 2 and 4
    Sound familiar?
    Chris
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I just dated someone like that, because i had no idea how he really was deep inside. He was always hanging out with all the other girls instead of me, and he blew me off when my best friend came to town just to meet him. He also told one of my BFFs that he never even liked me and that he was just so desperate that he dated me. He’s a jerk.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    #2 and #4 sound familiar.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    # 2 and 4
    Sound familiar?
    Chris
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    @ Daria posted Feb 2010 – probably you don’t even visit this message board anymore! But, I just wanted to say that I hope you’ve gotten out of that horrible situation. You are too smart, too beautiful, too amazing, too full of potential, too destined for greatness. Take it from me, someone who still struggles with self-esteem and dated total JERKS my whole life, and is still single…take time to nurture yourself and your soul. All the best!
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I respect woman – I’m a nice guy. In fact I haven’t had a girlfriend for a long time because I take time to look around – I’m not attracted to “bitches” at all… I think in the end an individual should find someone who is not entirely unlike themselves.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I personally do not go for that type of man. It only ends up in heart break and fright to get back into the dating world. I absoulutly 100% would choose the lesser attractive NICE man over the self absorbed incredibly good looking man. Because what makes a man attractive is how he sees women as women and not objects, the way he treats a woman like she is a queen and expects nothing back, and the way he would act as your own threapist when things go wrong.. without the charge.
    Shelby
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Take heart John, I’ve found, for some strange reason, that men are attracted to bitches. Maybe it’s something in the human condition…we all want to tame something, then when we do, we go looking for something wild to tame again. Maybe we should all grow up and appreciate the nice and good things about people. It would sure save a lot of tears down the road.
    • daria
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    well, i happen to be the with the self-absorbed sort of dude outlined in the article above and trust me, at this point, all i daydream about is being with a guy who really wants to be with me (aka – acts the part and doesn’t just say the words).  i’ve turned into a doormat with no dignity or self-confidence who has put up with cheating, lying, nasty putdowns and worst of all, being ignored.  and not only is it agonizing and exhausting (since the more i try to take care of him and impress him, the meaner and more dismissive he becomes), it’s getting old.  too high school, too degrading, too masochistic, and i must be better than this.anyway, don’t beat yourself about being the overlooked ‘nice guy’, because quite frankly, the ‘bad boys’ are a ridiculous, dead-end waste of time and nice guys are very UNDERrated, completely fabulous and i wish i had one right now!:/
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Trouble is that most women go for that type of man, not the nice guy like myself, and go screaming to their friends or therapist.
    Some things never change.
    John.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    @ Daria posted Feb 2010 – probably you don’t even visit this message board anymore! But, I just wanted to say that I hope you’ve gotten out of that horrible situation. You are too smart, too beautiful, too amazing, too full of potential, too destined for greatness. Take it from me, someone who still struggles with self-esteem and dated total JERKS my whole life, and is still single…take time to nurture yourself and your soul. All the best!
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I respect woman – I’m a nice guy. In fact I haven’t had a girlfriend for a long time because I take time to look around – I’m not attracted to “bitches” at all… I think in the end an individual should find someone who is not entirely unlike themselves.
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I personally do not go for that type of man. It only ends up in heart break and fright to get back into the dating world. I absoulutly 100% would choose the lesser attractive NICE man over the self absorbed incredibly good looking man. Because what makes a man attractive is how he sees women as women and not objects, the way he treats a woman like she is a queen and expects nothing back, and the way he would act as your own threapist when things go wrong.. without the charge.
    Shelby
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Take heart John, I’ve found, for some strange reason, that men are attracted to bitches. Maybe it’s something in the human condition…we all want to tame something, then when we do, we go looking for something wild to tame again. Maybe we should all grow up and appreciate the nice and good things about people. It would sure save a lot of tears down the road.
    • daria
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    well, i happen to be the with the self-absorbed sort of dude outlined in the article above and trust me, at this point, all i daydream about is being with a guy who really wants to be with me (aka – acts the part and doesn’t just say the words).  i’ve turned into a doormat with no dignity or self-confidence who has put up with cheating, lying, nasty putdowns and worst of all, being ignored.  and not only is it agonizing and exhausting (since the more i try to take care of him and impress him, the meaner and more dismissive he becomes), it’s getting old.  too high school, too degrading, too masochistic, and i must be better than this.anyway, don’t beat yourself about being the overlooked ‘nice guy’, because quite frankly, the ‘bad boys’ are a ridiculous, dead-end waste of time and nice guys are very UNDERrated, completely fabulous and i wish i had one right now!:/
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Trouble is that most women go for that type of man, not the nice guy like myself, and go screaming to their friends or therapist.
    Some things never change.
    John.

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