Marriage is a beautiful union between two people. A wedding however, is the ritual that our society has blown out of proportion. Kimye’s wedding is the icing on the cake. This post is not a cynical rant about marriage, but a comment on why weddings infuriate all of us. Even the romantic can feel the resentment and stress from the pressures of ‘fairy tale wedding’.
Speeches: We get it. People love to talk. Everyone wants to hear people sing their phrases. And of course, some wedding speeches are better than others, but more often than not they are overly earnest, teary and oh so long. Emotions mixed with alcohol often lead to frustrating results. Worst of all everyone has to smile and laugh along to inside stories and try not to cringe. What I don’t understand is why people need to share these stories aloud when it can all be written in a card or at a rehearsal dinner.
Cash Bar: Dresses, suits, gifts, and your free time should count for something! And that something is free drinks. If you’re having a cash bar at your wedding it says two things- you’re cheap and you hate your guests. A bunch of sober people listening to round after round of insufferable speeches is worse than waiting in line at a DMV.
Destination weddings: This is not limited to exotic resort weddings Bahamas, Jamaica or Mexico. We’re talking any location that requires a night hotel! But for the brides that insist on a faraway destination that requires extensive vacation time…that takes the cake. Any bride who considers a wedding weekend at a resort a ‘vacation’ for their guests is sorely mistaken. The reality is quite different- you’re asking your friends to spend lots of money and their hard earned vacation time on you. A whole week of you.
Garter Belt and wedding bouquet toss: Why do brides throw their bouquet? Why do friends and family have to watch the groom throw a garter belt? Ick and yuck. It’s a horrible game that makes both the guests and participants uncomfortable. There’s a reason why everyone needs to be dragged out of their chairs when these rituals are called.
Dancing circle: If the mix of oldies and Pitbull isn’t bad enough, watching uncoordinated people dancing in a circle is terrible. The best way to embrace the massive group-dancing circle that inevitably forms is by smiling and laughing along. However, things can get unbearable if the group circle becomes a ‘cheering’ circle with creepy Uncle Larry doing the running man in the center.