Strange creatures, men are. Sometimes it’s like they’re a completely different species. Having a good bunch of men in our lives – friends and lovers – is important. They’re the yin to our yang in many cases. But sometimes, the distance between us can be utterly astonishing.
Here are 10 of the biggest mysteries about men.
We’ll gladly accept personal theories on any of the following. Warning: ridiculously sweeping generalizations follow. Certainly these don’t apply to all men. Only the ones who baffle us the most.
1. How horrified they get at the mention of “period.” Sure, it’s unpleasant, but it’s an undeniable fact of life. Why do some men react with sheer horror? What are they really afraid of? Is it really that gross to hear about a period? For the record, PMS isn’t a myth. Haywire hormones are a totally valid reason for being moody once a month. We don’t choose it, we don’t control it. We’re not happy about it either.
2. Cat calling. Do they expect you to chase down their car and give them your number? It can be flattering sometimes, but really, what’s the point of the cat call?
3. Their heightened sense of responsibility over how drunk you get. Ever partied with a group of guys and get a text the next day saying “sorry I got you so drunk last night”? No one “gets you drunk.” You do it yourself.
4. Their sheer surprise to hear you swear. Ladylike language is for the early stages of dating. Everyone needs to use the F bomb sometimes.
5. Prolonged bathroom time. It’s a seldom noted fact that men often take even longer than women to get ready. What do men have to do in the shower? Shaving aside, how can their getting-ready process take up to half an hour?
6. Breast fascination. Men seem to believe that if they had breasts, they would “play with them all day.” This means that squeezing ours is a source of endless amusement.
7. Being emo when they’re sick. When you’re around, they’re dying. Around their friends, they seem to be able to muster the strength to put on a stoic mask.
8. The need to fix things. Its great to know a handy guy. But why dedicate an entire day to a plumbing issue when you could just leave the house and do something else while a plumber fixes it? We’d rather just get on with our lives! Calling a pro to do it isn’t even a matter of being able to get the job done better, it’s just more efficient.
9. The sandwich obsession. Sandwiches are great and all – they’re tasty, simple and cheap, we get it. But what’s with the obsession with us making them for them?
10. The BBQ obsession. Why do men make a whole night out of standing around watching meat on a barbecue? It’s like meat is a symbol of manliness and guarding it from female hands will protect their masculinity. The efforts to keep rituals like this “sacred” that is, limited to men, is just so weird.