After professing his love to Andi and unfortunately going home broken hearted, the hottest farmer we’ve ever seen is back and looking for love. “Love is a lot like farming. You plant a seed and watch it grow.” Wow, he really is #PrinceFarming. Thirty ladies are vying for Farmer Chris’ heart, but they’ll have some stiff competition, since farming is Chris’ first love. (Even Cody made an appearance, making sure Chris’ bod was as smoking as ever.) Leaving his crops during the crucial harvesting season, Chris headed to LA to start his search for love. But before getting to see all of the Bachelorettes, the red carpet pre-show gave a sneak peak into some of the ladies’ lives (only some of whom seem to be a contender for Farmer Chris), while catching up with some past contestants, including back-on-the-market Nikki.
Nikki chatted about what really happened with her and JP. Wanting to respect her Juan Pablo’s feelings and “stand by her man,” she kept her feelings to herself, even though she wanted to. To sum up: It could have been easier. She wanted to be happy. It was misunderstood because he couldn’t express himself. They had a relationship, but broke up. Just didn’t fit into each other’s lifestyles, just too different people, where she wanted to settle and he basically wanted to party and be in that “entertainment lifestyle.” She aptly put it: “There’s a difference between being the second priority and the seventh priority.” And that’s the end of that love story.
And then the limos pulled up…
Britt was the first to come out of the limo, and gave Chris a tearful (and somewhat dramatic) hug, followed by bubbly fertility nurse Whitney and widow Kelsey. Makeup artist Megan gave Chris an instant impression, warranting a huge smile and a “Hey, blondie” from the stud in the tux. Ashley I. (funny enough, a freelance journalist—maybe it’s in the name?) was up next, followed by a very leggy Trina and donated tissue specialist Reegan who brought him a very real-looking heart. Tara came out next in cowboy boots and a “Yeehaw!” making a serious statement to more than just Chris. After a quick cocktail dress change, we saw Amber who brought her teddy for comfort and Nikki before Tara popped back out for a second first impression—lucky for Chris he remembered her. Trying to be adorable and elusive (you fail), ballerina Amanda sent a note out to Chris asking him to turn around and close his eyes and introduced herself blindly before darting into the house (she’s gonna be some fun this season). Next up was Jillian, followed by mama Mackenzie and Ashley S. who put a lucky penny in Chris’ shoe. Dance instructor Kaitlyn was next who told Chris he could “plow the shit out of [her] field any day.” Oh dear.
After only half the crop had showed up, Farmer Chris headed inside to meet some of the ladies and give that must-needed “let’s enjoy this journey” speech. While the first 15 ladies took the opportunity to get some quality time with him before the others showed up, including Britt who wanted to explain her “free hugs” note and how wifeable she can be and Chris was already smitten. While Chris was chatting away, Chris Harrison walked in with the first impression rose. After meeting some of the girls, FC sought out his secret admirer, ballet dancer Amanda that has crazy eyes and lives with her mom because she can’t cook and doesn’t like to get dirty, clearly what a farmer wife makes.
Then Chris Harrison came and stole FC away for his next batch of hopeful brides. Fashion designer Samantha came out (while some ladies spied on the newcomers), wedding cake decorator Michelle, Juelia, Becca decked out in sparkles and Tandra who came riding up on a motorcycle (a woman after Chris’ own heart). Flight attendant Alissa came out next with all of her airplane safety puns, followed by Nicole who came out wearing a pig snout because she wanted to “ham it up,” (smh), Jordan and then Brittany who is a WWE Diva-in-Training. Following yet another gimmick and even more catty comments from the original 15, cruise ship singer Carly came out singing a tune. While all the girls were trying to count to 25, we were just waiting for those last five to make their appearance. Next up was teacher Tracy followed by Bo, and then Kimberley, Kara and finally number 30: cosmetics developed Jade.
Now that he had almost an entire football team worth of women going after him, the competition officially begun. The name of the game was steal the time, because 30 minutes and one first impression rose up for grabs. And just as some ladies were talking about waiting for “the crazy one,” wide-eyed Ashley S. went and awkwardly interrupted Chris and scarcely clothed Brittany while yammering on about onions or something. Calling it: she cray cray. And because it isn’t a cocktail party without someone getting inappropriately drunk, cowgirl Tara was downing shots like tic-tacs. While the other ladies pulled out all the stops trying to get Chris’ attention, he was busy giving his first impression rose to Britt, who kept it classy all night long. Free hugs (and the season’s first kiss!!) included. Walking into the lion’s den arm in arm, shit got uncomfortable until Chris Harrison broke up the tension by announcing the rose ceremony.
Getting ready for the big moment, Chris was definitely feeling anxious, being the nice guy that he is, but with only 21 roses up for grabs, he had to do what he had to do—and some ladies really just didn’t make the cut. While Chris doled out roses, drunk Tara was looking like a hot mess who was about ready for a nap and a greasy pizza. Just then, Chris walked out to get some advice about what to do with Tara and whether she’s worth a rose. When he came back, his mind was made up and the roses continued, leaving eight of them crushed and heading home (including Amanda, who we were hoping would be a shit-starter this season). Some girls just didn’t want to take no for an answer and after getting sent home, a tearful Kimberly went back to talk to Chris…
…But apparently that resolution will have to wait for next week’s episode.
Coming up roses: Kaitlyn, Jade, Samantha, Ashley I., Tandra, Nikki, Kelsey, Megan, Alissa, Amber, Juelia, Becca, Trina, Mackenzie, Tracy, Tara (le sigh), Jordan, Jillian, Whitney, Carly and Ashley S.
Kiss count: Britt (Episode – 1; Season – 1)
Cry count: Almost Tara (but she was drunk), Amanda, Kara, Kimberly (Episode – 3; Season – 3)
Catfight count: None for now!
Bachelorettes to watch: Britt, Ashley S., Tara
