The other day, Tia Mowry went on HuffPost Live and confirmed the news: she is not pregnant, so back off, you weirdos.
“I am not pregnant, I am just happy,” she said. “I’ve gained these extra 10 or 15 pounds because of my cooking show . . . I’m just enjoying life and when I want to drop the pounds, I will, but right now I’m happy with who I am.”
“It is a form of body shaming,” she continued. “I will say that, and it’s pretty unfortunate. We live in a society that’s so obsessed with being perfect . . . why can’t we just be us?”
And to that I say amen and/or alleluia Emoji hands. But I think we’ve all spent more than enough time here lamenting over the shittiness of body shaming, so instead of using this space to bang my shoe on the table and say, “What is wrong with you people?” I am going to use it as a handy guide for anyone tempted to comment on another person’s body.
You read that right. Now, the next time you’re tempted to comment on the status of a woman’s figure, go through this questionnaire and/or train of thought to figure out what should say or do. I think you may be pleasantly surprised by the sexy results.
So you want to comment on a woman’s body.
That’s right.
Cool! Do you know her?
Nope.
Then don’t you dare speak.
JK I do I know her I was joking.
Ugh. I stand by my original answer. Anyway, are you close?
I saw her at the mall once.
Honestly, log off the Internet and toss your laptop into the sea.
Actually, she’s a friend of mine.
What’s wrong with you? And you want to comment on her weight?
Damn right I do!
Why?
Because she looks different! I want her to know that I’ve noticed!
Why?
Because I care a lot about what people think of me and I like to compare myself to others.
That’s bleak, dude.
Kidding again! I just think all women should look a certain way and by making somebody feel bad, I feel like I’m helping keep norms in place.
Like, the norms dictated by the patriarchy? That make us feel bad if we’re not a certain size or shape?
Yeah! Those ones!
I feel sad for you. That’s a bummer.
Why?
Because those are made up rules put in place by a system that sets women up to fail/feel horrible/feel powerless/etc. etc. etc.
Yeah . . . but . . .
I’m listening.
But I think women look better a certain way.
You do?
Well yeah! I mean, right? Like . . .
Stop it. You know this is a weak-ass argument.
I know. I have no idea why a woman’s body concerns me at all.
Yeah, it doesn’t. A woman’s body is absolutely none of your business unless you are that woman.
I feel embarrassed.
You should.
So for the record . . .
Never comment on a woman’s body.
Got it.
Cool. I have to go.
FIN.
