Wow, well I know we’ve got ourselves the first female US presidential candidate, but let’s get to the real news: Kendall Jenner goes braless sometimes. (I know! Madness, absolute madness.)
We know this because the model recently came under fire (from weirdos) for wearing a body suit sans bra, and also because she’s just gone on record saying, “Hey, I really am not into bras right now.” Observe:
In a piece she wrote called “Free The Nipple,” Jenner laid it all out. “I really don’t see what the big deal is with going braless!” she said. “I think it’s cool and I just don’t care! It’s sexy, it’s comfortable, and I’m cool with my breasts. That’s it!”
And honestly that is all we need to hear on the subject ever again, thank you kindly, and bless us everyone. For what feels like 84 years (or since Gloria Stuart said that line in Titanic), we have heard over and over and over about why women should wear bras or why they shouldn’t or how dare they and who does she thinks he is, and seriously stop, stop it now, I can’t hear any of this anymore, we have actual work to do, what the fuck.
Who are you, people preoccupied with the visual restrictions on breasts? Breasts are not a thing. They are not a big deal. Guys, my neighbour has far bigger breasts than me, and he mows the lawn shirtless on a regular basis. And I do not care because I have work to do. I mean: do you care? Of course you don’t. Are any of us profoundly upset if/when we ever see a topless person? Or if it seems like so-and-so isn’t wearing a bra? Do we need to run and have a cry when/if a woman is breastfeeding in public? Or if someone like Kendall feels comfortable with her body and wears a top you can see through? No, of course not. Because we are rational beings with a lot of shit to do and none of that shit involves policing the life choices of other women.
So let’s keep it simple: if you do not want to wear a bra (hi! It’s 40 degrees out and I would rather eat poison than get another underwire-induced heat rash), do not wear a bra. If somebody has a problem with it, they are the weirdos — not you. If somebody has to rush up and scream “Think of the children!” say a quiet prayer for that person’s children who are going to be very shocked to grow up and realize that breasts are just there (and not the catalyst for a life talk) unless they are being groped or referred to or stared at without consent, thanks.
Also: if you want to wear a bra, wear a bra. Wear it like there’s no tomorrow. Wear it with pride. Wear the shit out of your bra. Your boobs, your choice. One person’s choice to wear (or not wear) a particular type of underwear has no effect on anybody else. A braless person is not going to run up to you and say “Take your bra off!” unless they are deranged. Boobs are boobs are boobs are boobs and oh my god, how are we still having this conversation. It’s weird to be bothered by another person’s body unless that person is forcing you to look at them or be near them or touch them when you have specifically stated, “I do not want to look at or be near or touch you.” But a person simply wearing a top (a top! she was wearing a top!) should not incite cries and shouts because said top was not accompanied by lingerie.
So okay, good talk: wear a bra if you want, don’t wear one if you don’t want, and everybody let’s get on with our day. I’m tired and it’s warm out and it’s not even lunch, and I just want someone to bring me some fizzy water.