In Defense of Pads

Pads have gotten a bum rap amongst menstruating women and I just don’t understand why. I mean yes, the sanitary napkin is a smaller, more wedgie inducing version of a diaper. It can fall down your leg during business meetings/gym class/your wedding. It can be uncomfortable, ˜cause irritation, and explode in your underwear. Hell, sometimes it just plain stinks, metaphorically and literally.

Some ladies even look at it as juvenile. It harkens back to a time when acne was fierce, braces were trending, and the hymen was fully intact. Tampon insertion was almost impossible and the menstrual cup was a myth invented by witches/hippie/females who exclusively ate grass.

Okay, so I KIND OF get it. It’s got a few¦ dozen¦ problems. But there are plenty of arguments as well for why the tampon is the worst choice. Toxic shock. Chemicals in your puss. The discomfort of potentially pulling some dry ass cotton from inside your sensitive self. Meanwhile, many a babe couldn’t tolerate the cup if their vaginas depended on it, which mine totally does. VIVE LE CUP!

I think the pad has done a lot for womankind and it’s time someone came to its defense. After all, she was real good to us back in the day when we had fewer options. Ms. Pad got us through some hard times. Remember when the tampon was like Go to hell! and the cup was like You don’t know I exist! and the pad was like I got your back, bb? It was Always there (pun full intended) to help our uteruses out when nothing else would! That is true friendship.

And on top of respecting your period product elders, you gotta also appreciate that the pad greatly decreases the risk of getting junk stuck in the vajayjay. The likeliness of that happening drops to basically zero, unless you’re somehow using the pad incorrectly. In which case, please review the instructional manual and for the love of god retrieve it from the canal.

Plus, you gotta admit the process of opening a pad and putting it on your underpants is tres easy peasy. You might be able to breeze through tampons and cups at this point in your existence but this girl still manages to take a decade and a half to use both. Are they in? Are they out? Can I walk? Can I sit? SO MANY QUESTIONS TO ASK AND ANSWER.

Furthermore, pad technology has come a long way. They’re cozier than they used to be. They’re thinner than they used to be. They’re more reusable than they used to be! Washables exist these days. I KNOW! Pads that can be washed and used again after wear. And they’re made of exciting fabrics with vibrant patterns and bright colours. Stylish AND practical. Talk about environmentally/fashionably friendly!

And can we please give a shout out to panty liners who provide us with a service no other feminine care item can? Spotting can’t launch its sneak attack when the almighty liner is in place. It’s the unsung hero of the menses cycle and needs to get props for its saintly work.

In conclusion, for all of those reasons and more I will be forever grateful to the wind beneath my wings (nailing it with the puns). Pads, you’ve saved me from ruining several pairs of jeans. You never shamed me or ridiculed me. You were only supportive and for that you will always have a special place in my bloody heart.

Tags: excitement, tampons, use pads

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