Greetings, recent graduate. Now that you’ve received your diploma and have moved your meager belongings back into your parents’ house, it’s time to figure out what you want to do with your life. Once the resumes are sent and the first-date jitters of the interview process are gone, the lucky few of you will have landed your first job. You’ll notice that in the workforce, things aren’t always all that different from college: there is always a guy wearing flip-flops at inappropriate times, the cafeteria is still the best place to hang out and there are plenty of people using words you’ve never heard before.
Here’s a primer to help you fake it till you make it:
When you hear: That’s not really in my wheelhouse.
It means: I don’t actually know how to do that.
When you hear: Let’s make sure we go after the low-hanging fruit.
It means: Let’s make sure we do the easy things first, okay?
When you hear: Run with this.
It means: This is now your responsibility. Now stop asking so many questions.
When you hear: We’ll put together a quick & dirty version.
It means: We’ll spend 30 minutes on this, tops.
When you hear: Let’s get together for a quick download on this project.
It means: We will have a meeting and communicate things to one another much like our computers usually do for us.
When you hear: I just don’t have the bandwidth for this project.
It means: Taking on this project would mean I’d have to stay late or stop messing around on Facebook so much. Why don’t you do it?
When you hear: Let’s make sure we do our due diligence on this.
It means: Someone here is kind of not doing their job. Let’s remember that we have jobs, and our jobs require us to work. Please do your job during this project. If we don’t do our jobs, we will get in trouble. Do your job.
When you hear: We need to find the synergy between these two areas.
It means: This part needs to work with that part, but ˜synergy’ sure sounds fancy!
When you hear: Let’s take this offline.
It means: I realize offline may be a confusing term when we’re speaking face-to-face, so what I really mean is that now is not the time or the place to talk about this.
When you hear: Why don’t you circle back on that one.
It means: Nice try. Now start over again.
When you hear: I’ll touch base with you about this.
It means: Expect an e-mail, IM, phone call or desk visit about this topic.
When you hear: What are our actionable items?
It means: Uh, so what do we need to do?