Why Won’t He Propose?

You love him madly, you think about him all the time, and you can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with him.

There’s just one problem: you’re not sure if he’s thinking beyond next week and it’s driving you crazy. It’s been two years and you’re blissfully happy together.

The only difference is that you fantasize about finally making it official, while he’d likely be happy to maintain the status quo for another 60 years.

There are loads of reasons that keep a guy from taking the plunge “ here are some of the big ones:

 

He can’t afford it

Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but man, are they are expensive. Many men are old-fashioned: they don’t want to pop the question until they feel finally stable and confident. He may be waiting until he’s flush enough to present you with the blingiest bauble and until he can recite the words for richer or poorer without choking.

 

The timing isn’t right

We all know that women are far more successful at multi-tasking. Is he focused intently on a singular goal right now? If he’s still pushing through his degree or has just started his dream job, he may not have the time and energy to think about marriage right now.

Give him some time to settle into what he’s doing “ after all, he’s laying the foundation for your life together.

 

He’s afraid of commitment

If he’s simply afraid of commitment, he may never ask you to marry him. And if you want to get married, you’ve got a problem. Try broaching the subject carefully when the two of you are having a relaxing moment together, maybe after a nice dinner or during a walk on a beautiful day. He may be willing to work on his fear, or maybe not.

The only way to find out is committing to discussing it together.

 

He doesn’t want to marry you

This reality can be shattering, but you’ve got to at least consider it. If you’ve been through the talks and worked through all of the possibilities and something is still holding him back, it may be time for some brutal honesty.

Better to know now than to spend years waiting for a proposal that’s never going to come.

 

Are you worried that he’ll never propose? Will you stay put and wait, or is it time to move on? Let us know how you feel.

Tags: commitment phobia, getting engaged, marriage proposal

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Comments

  1. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    My boyfriend and I started dating 6 years ago and moved in together 2 weeks after we started dating. We have been friends since we were kids and share a tight knit group of friends. We are both about to turn 26, so naturally I am starting to get the ‘engagement bug’. Many of my friends and cousins are getting married and having kids and I feel stagnant in my relationship. When I bring up the subject to my boyfriend it usually turns into an arguement, he wont ever give me a straight answer on the subject.. it’s like talking to a wall. He tells me maybe when we are 30. First Id like to point out, I am not expecting to get married Right Now or next month or year But AT LEAST an engagment ring??! I Need something that shows me he wants to take the next step. My fear is that I have wasted the last 6 years with someone who will never fully commit to me..and even worse-How much longer am I going to wait around to FINALLY come to the realization.. He is NEVER going to propose! Ugh..When your little and dreaming of your wedding, you never imagine having to force your boyfriend to marry you.
    -On that note, I am going to go watch ‘He’s just not that into you’ and eat some ice cream to drown my sorrows.
  2. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    My situation is quite similar to yours. We should chat and maybe we will give eachother perspective and strength.
  3. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    As a female soldier, I can tell you this….. He may be testing you to see if you will stick around and be faithful while he is gone for a year. Plus, big rocks are cheaper over seas.
  4. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    This is a subject near and dear to my heart. Ladies, I was in a relationship with a guy for over 11 years. Oh, how I wanted this man! But, the truth is…he was a Peter Pan who sabotaged my hopes and dreams for marriage over and over. I knew he loved me but it wasn’t enough to put my desires and needs before his. My advise seems juvenile but I recommend reading, “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Read it and see how your relationship measures up and then be willing to accept the facts if you learn he’s not a keeper. I also recommend that if you know your guy is not caring about your needs and desires, be open to other guys you are meeting in everyday life. When there is no ring on your finger after years of dating…it is open season for you to flirt, put out the available vibe and do whatever it takes to get your self esteem back into your own hands. And yes……..all the while maintaining your relationship with your unwilling vampire of a boyfriend/housemate if need be. Chances are NOT in your favor that a guy will suddenly wake up one day and do the right thing by you. Take your life back, make yourself happy by attracting someone who worships the ground you walk on. Thirty years later, I am SO glad that is what I did. My Peter Pan BF is old, alone and bitter because of it but it is the relationship Karma he created for himself.
  5. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    My guy proposed after 1.6 years, and we have been together now 2 y, 3 months. He won’t commit to even starting to set a data, or moving in. He also had an affair 10 months after we started dating. He has never celebrated a single holiday with me, has never bought me a gift or flowers, never takes me on dates. We only see each other 2 times a week even though we live 40 minutes away. Even the engagement ring, I paid for half, and when I brought him a card and the receipt, he didn’t say anything about it until I brought it up to him 3 days later! I don’t know why I ever believed he would commit. There are so many red flags right from the beginning. I am 37 years old, never have been married or had children. He’s been married twice and has two children by two different women. What was I thinking? I have been so unhappy, essentially fighting for him to want to truly be with me from the very start. I can see clearly now. I will get through the heartbreak. I can because how can I lose something I never really had?
  6. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I have been with my boyfriend for the last 11 years living together for 5 of those years. I guess you can say that things have been moving at a snail like pace. I am so discouraged! He knows it’s what I want, and he tells an employee that “he let’s me run his million dollar business isn’t that commitment enough!” What?!?! Has the last 12 years been a waste? Have I dedicated over a decade of my life to man that is so self absorbed that he feels that the fact that I work for him will suffice a long term commitment? I just don’t know what to do!
    Also, he is in a successful traveling band. So in the back of my head I am thinking that he’s traveling around trying to find something better. What do I do???
  7. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Ive been in a relationship with my guy for 8 years now and we bought a house together just on 3 years ago. We have dogs and a cat and work hard to get ahead, im in the same boat – you get to a point where you just don’t know what to do anymore – you want to wait but then you’re not sure if you should in case you may be wasting your time. We have had ‘the conversation’ many a time – and it hasnt always ended happily, usually on an arguement – its true when people say ‘don’t push him’ etc – but when you’ve been together for so long you cant help it sometimes – it just doesnt make sense. Boys are wired differently to girls – it frustrates me down to the bone but I guess if you think they are worth waiting for then wait – and i agree with the above comment, try to focus on the things that make you happy and then your whole attitude will change and your BF will notice a happier you and then maybe things will fall into place….we can only hope, good luck and i hope we both get the proposal we have wished for 🙂 sooner than later.
  8. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Kris- after reading yours, I stopped and asked myself, “did I write this?” I know this isn’t any advice, but I feel your pain. I have heard the “timing,” or the “money,” or “what is a piece of paper going to change anything?” excuse…. He is still here. It kills me when he uses money as an excuse, yet buys new toys. So, I’ve set a silent date. If he doesn’t know by then, he never will. No one knows it but me, and hey, maybe he is just seeing if he will be off the hook when the Mayan calender ends. Who knows? I wish you all the best of luck.
  9. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    John and I have been together for 2years, we live together even have a cat together. When have been living together for a year now and I am ready to take the next step. I not asking lets go elope or get married right away, just propose to show me that you really want this and that one day you will be willing to marry. I have told him that and he always says not today but maybe one day… I have even taken the chance in asking him to marry me… he says no…. He is deploying in a matter of months, he will be gone for a year over seas and yet still nothing… I always questioning my self and wondering if he ever will…. i want the whole marriage and kids thing and yet i feel like he is stuck. He says its a commitment thing but moving together is a commitment and he did that just fine… i love him more then anything and while everyone around me seems to be getting married and having kids Im just in the same spot never moving but never going back. I dont know… should i give up? he will be 28 this year… you would think that the ticking clock would have gone off in his head already but nothing…. i dont know maybe its me maybe he just doesnt want to be with me…
  10. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I don’t know how things are for you currently, but I too stress over my boyfriend’s commitment level. I am worried for you and how sad you seem. Once a boy told me I wasn’t “his kind of interesting”. Words can really hurt sometimes and boys can easily burn you. Don’t loose heart. I hope everything turns out for the best.
  11. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    My situation is quite similar to yours. We should chat and maybe we will give eachother perspective and strength.
  12. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    As a female soldier, I can tell you this….. He may be testing you to see if you will stick around and be faithful while he is gone for a year. Plus, big rocks are cheaper over seas.
  13. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    This is a subject near and dear to my heart. Ladies, I was in a relationship with a guy for over 11 years. Oh, how I wanted this man! But, the truth is…he was a Peter Pan who sabotaged my hopes and dreams for marriage over and over. I knew he loved me but it wasn’t enough to put my desires and needs before his. My advise seems juvenile but I recommend reading, “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Read it and see how your relationship measures up and then be willing to accept the facts if you learn he’s not a keeper. I also recommend that if you know your guy is not caring about your needs and desires, be open to other guys you are meeting in everyday life. When there is no ring on your finger after years of dating…it is open season for you to flirt, put out the available vibe and do whatever it takes to get your self esteem back into your own hands. And yes……..all the while maintaining your relationship with your unwilling vampire of a boyfriend/housemate if need be. Chances are NOT in your favor that a guy will suddenly wake up one day and do the right thing by you. Take your life back, make yourself happy by attracting someone who worships the ground you walk on. Thirty years later, I am SO glad that is what I did. My Peter Pan BF is old, alone and bitter because of it but it is the relationship Karma he created for himself.
  14. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    My guy proposed after 1.6 years, and we have been together now 2 y, 3 months. He won’t commit to even starting to set a data, or moving in. He also had an affair 10 months after we started dating. He has never celebrated a single holiday with me, has never bought me a gift or flowers, never takes me on dates. We only see each other 2 times a week even though we live 40 minutes away. Even the engagement ring, I paid for half, and when I brought him a card and the receipt, he didn’t say anything about it until I brought it up to him 3 days later! I don’t know why I ever believed he would commit. There are so many red flags right from the beginning. I am 37 years old, never have been married or had children. He’s been married twice and has two children by two different women. What was I thinking? I have been so unhappy, essentially fighting for him to want to truly be with me from the very start. I can see clearly now. I will get through the heartbreak. I can because how can I lose something I never really had?
  15. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I have been with my boyfriend for the last 11 years living together for 5 of those years. I guess you can say that things have been moving at a snail like pace. I am so discouraged! He knows it’s what I want, and he tells an employee that “he let’s me run his million dollar business isn’t that commitment enough!” What?!?! Has the last 12 years been a waste? Have I dedicated over a decade of my life to man that is so self absorbed that he feels that the fact that I work for him will suffice a long term commitment? I just don’t know what to do!
    Also, he is in a successful traveling band. So in the back of my head I am thinking that he’s traveling around trying to find something better. What do I do???
  16. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Ive been in a relationship with my guy for 8 years now and we bought a house together just on 3 years ago. We have dogs and a cat and work hard to get ahead, im in the same boat – you get to a point where you just don’t know what to do anymore – you want to wait but then you’re not sure if you should in case you may be wasting your time. We have had ‘the conversation’ many a time – and it hasnt always ended happily, usually on an arguement – its true when people say ‘don’t push him’ etc – but when you’ve been together for so long you cant help it sometimes – it just doesnt make sense. Boys are wired differently to girls – it frustrates me down to the bone but I guess if you think they are worth waiting for then wait – and i agree with the above comment, try to focus on the things that make you happy and then your whole attitude will change and your BF will notice a happier you and then maybe things will fall into place….we can only hope, good luck and i hope we both get the proposal we have wished for 🙂 sooner than later.
  17. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Kris- after reading yours, I stopped and asked myself, “did I write this?” I know this isn’t any advice, but I feel your pain. I have heard the “timing,” or the “money,” or “what is a piece of paper going to change anything?” excuse…. He is still here. It kills me when he uses money as an excuse, yet buys new toys. So, I’ve set a silent date. If he doesn’t know by then, he never will. No one knows it but me, and hey, maybe he is just seeing if he will be off the hook when the Mayan calender ends. Who knows? I wish you all the best of luck.
  18. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    John and I have been together for 2years, we live together even have a cat together. When have been living together for a year now and I am ready to take the next step. I not asking lets go elope or get married right away, just propose to show me that you really want this and that one day you will be willing to marry. I have told him that and he always says not today but maybe one day… I have even taken the chance in asking him to marry me… he says no…. He is deploying in a matter of months, he will be gone for a year over seas and yet still nothing… I always questioning my self and wondering if he ever will…. i want the whole marriage and kids thing and yet i feel like he is stuck. He says its a commitment thing but moving together is a commitment and he did that just fine… i love him more then anything and while everyone around me seems to be getting married and having kids Im just in the same spot never moving but never going back. I dont know… should i give up? he will be 28 this year… you would think that the ticking clock would have gone off in his head already but nothing…. i dont know maybe its me maybe he just doesnt want to be with me…
  19. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I don’t know how things are for you currently, but I too stress over my boyfriend’s commitment level. I am worried for you and how sad you seem. Once a boy told me I wasn’t “his kind of interesting”. Words can really hurt sometimes and boys can easily burn you. Don’t loose heart. I hope everything turns out for the best.
  20. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I understand how you feel! I too have been with my bf for over 9 years and I am still waiting for a marriage proposal. I share your pain when friends gets engage or celebrate wedding anniversaries. I’ve shed a few tears in my time but I try not to get worked up about it anymore. I am an old fashioned girl and marriage is important to me because I want to be legally married before buying a home and having children. After 9 years it’s hard not to want a marriage proposal. I often find myself wondering what is wrong with me. We are already practically married after being together so long why is it so hard to put a ring on my finger? I have practically bent over backwards to prove my love for this man, I don’t know what else to do. I hope I finally get my happily ever after as well. Good luck to all of you 🙂
  21. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We’ve been dating since I was a junior in high school. We are 26 years old now, and just got a house together in March. Every time someone gets engaged, I get so upset. Sometimes to the point that I won’t speak to him for however long I feel. We talk about Marriage ALOT. He always told me things would change if we got a place together, and it would be better. And it’s not. Nothing changed. Apparently money is an issue ever since he bought the house. (I refused to sign anything or help out cause we weren’t engaged) I guess money is not that big of an issue since he still is able to buy all the things he wants like $400 RC cars. And sure he has asked some of our guy friends where they got their rings from, and told them “soon” was when it would happen. Last year. I love him more than anything, and life without him just won’t work for me. I just want my happily ever after too ya know? So trust me, it could always be worse….
  22. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Entering a marriage is an agreement between two people. Don’t be offended if your boyfriend doesn’t want to commit on this level. I know it’s difficult but in a sense his admission not to get married is doing you a favour. You will eventually meet the right man who wants and understands your values. You must not waste your time in a relationship that does not meet your needs on an emotional or spiritual level. It could be worse, you could be stuck with someone who is not marriage material. As for being lonely, you could find yourself more alone in a relationship that is unfulfilling than being on your own.
  23. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    K I am right there with you. I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years and have sat and sulked and cried everytime someone I know gets engaged. I know the reason is a financial one and that he doesn’t have the money for a ring yet. Hang in there honey. It will come when the time is right!
  24. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I understand how you feel! I too have been with my bf for over 9 years and I am still waiting for a marriage proposal. I share your pain when friends gets engage or celebrate wedding anniversaries. I’ve shed a few tears in my time but I try not to get worked up about it anymore. I am an old fashioned girl and marriage is important to me because I want to be legally married before buying a home and having children. After 9 years it’s hard not to want a marriage proposal. I often find myself wondering what is wrong with me. We are already practically married after being together so long why is it so hard to put a ring on my finger? I have practically bent over backwards to prove my love for this man, I don’t know what else to do. I hope I finally get my happily ever after as well. Good luck to all of you 🙂
  25. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We’ve been dating since I was a junior in high school. We are 26 years old now, and just got a house together in March. Every time someone gets engaged, I get so upset. Sometimes to the point that I won’t speak to him for however long I feel. We talk about Marriage ALOT. He always told me things would change if we got a place together, and it would be better. And it’s not. Nothing changed. Apparently money is an issue ever since he bought the house. (I refused to sign anything or help out cause we weren’t engaged) I guess money is not that big of an issue since he still is able to buy all the things he wants like $400 RC cars. And sure he has asked some of our guy friends where they got their rings from, and told them “soon” was when it would happen. Last year. I love him more than anything, and life without him just won’t work for me. I just want my happily ever after too ya know? So trust me, it could always be worse….
  26. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Entering a marriage is an agreement between two people. Don’t be offended if your boyfriend doesn’t want to commit on this level. I know it’s difficult but in a sense his admission not to get married is doing you a favour. You will eventually meet the right man who wants and understands your values. You must not waste your time in a relationship that does not meet your needs on an emotional or spiritual level. It could be worse, you could be stuck with someone who is not marriage material. As for being lonely, you could find yourself more alone in a relationship that is unfulfilling than being on your own.
  27. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    K I am right there with you. I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years and have sat and sulked and cried everytime someone I know gets engaged. I know the reason is a financial one and that he doesn’t have the money for a ring yet. Hang in there honey. It will come when the time is right!
  28. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    why is it so important to you to get married? I am in a long term relationship with my man, we plan to live the rest of our lives together, we are fully commited to each other without the need for marriage. He used to talk about it a lot at one time but we talked it through and really dont see any advantages in it for us. It wont change our commitment to each other, we dont want kids (we are 45 and 49).
    What is it that you want marriage for? What will it change for you? Married people still split up so it doesnt always go that your relationship will become more secure just because you are married!
  29. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I don’t understand why people must constantly compare their lives/relationships to other peoples’ lives/relationships. It only ever leads to unhappiness. Let go of this damaging behaviour and start asking yourself “what do I really want out of life?”. When you have your answer, spend time EVERY DAY working toward that goal. Probably, “Jeff” sees you moping about, getting depressed everytime there is a wedding or engagement and he is thinking that you are NEVER going to be happy regardless. Why would he want to marry someone like that? Change yourself and you will change your situation.
  30. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Kris –
    In my humble opinion – dump him and move on. Sometimes guys don’t make decisions like this until they’re faced with the alternative – life without you. Don’t dump him just to try to get him to commit, but you might be surprised at his reaction.
    In your next relationship – and there will be one, as you at least think of yourself as “dating material” – you don’t need to go into it expecting a ring on the first date, but within the first year is reasonable.
    You don’t say your age, but after about the age of 30, guys know that you need to get married or move on quickly. If you are over 30, and you do start a new relationship, I’d say re-set the clock and give it a fresh year.
    This isn’t you – it’s a guy thing. If it was you, he wouldn’t have stayed for four years.
  31. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Jeff and I have been together for 4 years and I have been hoping for a proposal for three of those years. I have sat and sulked every time one of my friends get engaged or celebrate yet another wedding anniversary and wonder: When is it ever going to be my turn? It hurts more than anything-the ultimate rejection every time I hear a new excuse or reason why we can’t get married. I practically already have a wedding already planned-right down to the dress and don’t even have a proposal. He says that he will marry me SOMEDAY, which never seems to come. Does that mean someday soon or will I be a fifty year old bride waiting around for him? I cry all of the time privately over this and wonder constantly what is so wrong that I am not marriage material. The last three guys I dated before him all told me the same story-I am a great person, but not the kind that gets a ring and a forever deal. I am heartbroken all of the time and am now wondering if I am yet again-wasting my time. Maybe there just isn’t anyone out there for me and I am doomed to die alone with with a house full of dogs at my side instead.
    K-Wyoming
  32. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    why is it so important to you to get married? I am in a long term relationship with my man, we plan to live the rest of our lives together, we are fully commited to each other without the need for marriage. He used to talk about it a lot at one time but we talked it through and really dont see any advantages in it for us. It wont change our commitment to each other, we dont want kids (we are 45 and 49).
    What is it that you want marriage for? What will it change for you? Married people still split up so it doesnt always go that your relationship will become more secure just because you are married!
  33. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I don’t understand why people must constantly compare their lives/relationships to other peoples’ lives/relationships. It only ever leads to unhappiness. Let go of this damaging behaviour and start asking yourself “what do I really want out of life?”. When you have your answer, spend time EVERY DAY working toward that goal. Probably, “Jeff” sees you moping about, getting depressed everytime there is a wedding or engagement and he is thinking that you are NEVER going to be happy regardless. Why would he want to marry someone like that? Change yourself and you will change your situation.
  34. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Kris –
    In my humble opinion – dump him and move on. Sometimes guys don’t make decisions like this until they’re faced with the alternative – life without you. Don’t dump him just to try to get him to commit, but you might be surprised at his reaction.
    In your next relationship – and there will be one, as you at least think of yourself as “dating material” – you don’t need to go into it expecting a ring on the first date, but within the first year is reasonable.
    You don’t say your age, but after about the age of 30, guys know that you need to get married or move on quickly. If you are over 30, and you do start a new relationship, I’d say re-set the clock and give it a fresh year.
    This isn’t you – it’s a guy thing. If it was you, he wouldn’t have stayed for four years.
  35. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Jeff and I have been together for 4 years and I have been hoping for a proposal for three of those years. I have sat and sulked every time one of my friends get engaged or celebrate yet another wedding anniversary and wonder: When is it ever going to be my turn? It hurts more than anything-the ultimate rejection every time I hear a new excuse or reason why we can’t get married. I practically already have a wedding already planned-right down to the dress and don’t even have a proposal. He says that he will marry me SOMEDAY, which never seems to come. Does that mean someday soon or will I be a fifty year old bride waiting around for him? I cry all of the time privately over this and wonder constantly what is so wrong that I am not marriage material. The last three guys I dated before him all told me the same story-I am a great person, but not the kind that gets a ring and a forever deal. I am heartbroken all of the time and am now wondering if I am yet again-wasting my time. Maybe there just isn’t anyone out there for me and I am doomed to die alone with with a house full of dogs at my side instead.
    K-Wyoming

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