Watching the color of the leaves change makes me think back to this exact time last year when I thought my life; my love life was finally changing and going the way I always imagined it would. Instead this year as I make my way out of my therapist’s office; I am reminded of the pitfalls of love. I have been reminded of this for the last few months dealing with a mystery illness that has finally decided to pass. Months of insomnia, vertigo, nosebleeds and ringing ears (tinnitus). Seeing doctor after doctor I can finally say I made it out alive!
No one could figure out what was ailing me; medically that is. One thing all my doctors could conclude was this sudden health crisis was stress related. My symptoms had nothing do with my body because according to all the results I am the beacon of health, so healthy many people would long to have the kind of health that I have been so lucky to have.
So what was causing my body to shut down? What was making me feeling so sick? At the time, in my mind I was not stressed. Life was good. Maybe things were not always perfect, but nothing ever is. I have always been the kind of person to push through my emotions, and balance the good with the bad no matter the circumstance. I didn’t know that eventually this juggling act would take an ominous toll on a life that I believed to be so beautiful.
From the advice of my Otolaryngologist, who said I need to get down to the emotional cause of my symptoms, I decided to take on this mystery illness the old school way. Rather than popping pills to mask the symptoms the only way I was going to find out what was ailing me and heal my body holistically was to take a good look at my life.
I have witnessed many friends lose sleep over relationships; lose jobs, motivation and passion for their life. I always felt lucky because I just wasn’t “one of those girls”. In fact, I shunned women like this. Hadn’t they heard the song “I’m every women” sang so well by Whitney Houston you could never forget it? How is it possible to let your life fall apart over someone else’s actions? I just couldn’t buy into this.
According to clinical psychologist Mary C. Lamia (2012) “love involves and initial state of bliss; it can later make you feel sick or crazy whether or not your object of affection has left your life”. Looking back I understand this notion completely. All the signs were there. My body was giving me all the signs, but I didn’t conclude that what was happening was as a result of allowing myself to love poorly. Not all relationships are roses. In fact, some relationships can make you sick, even seemingly good ones. At the time I was with someone I felt was good, but it wasn’t necessarily good enough for me. We all know people who settle are never happy. Not only does this apply to work life and friendships it applies to your significant other.